Yamanoor Srihari - Experiments in Blogging

Ron Paul's Fort Knox paranoia proves that legal mari*uana is key to the future of cheap, political entertainment..

2011-06-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

Ron Paul is worried that the Treasury officials have swindled Fort Knox and sold it to foreign powers. Either that, or he worries they are just about to do that. So, he wants tax payers to spend millions of dollars to make sure that the taxpayers don't end up losing millions of dollars.

Don't get cynical on me

Now I know there are some of you that are quite cynical out there. You are probably thinking that all that fracking residue from the natural gas harvested in Texas must be making Paulie look a little crazy.

A few of you are blaming the summer heat.

I hear that some of you think he is just like any other politician and will muddle any issue just to pander to his base, in this case the paranoid people at the "Tea Party" who think he is their "God Father" but have no idea about tea parties and mobs...

Some others among you are just being quite annoying talking about his independent wealth and how this "alternative to the mainstream" guy managed to get his son to become a Congressman as well..dynasty, what?

Very few realize the truth!

The truth, beyond the ~~marijuana~~ smokescreen

The truth is, we need entertainment. Yes, we have Palin and Bachman on one side and Joe Biden, equipped with his on-air F-bombs on the other. But we can't get enough...we are so ~~stoned~~ bored, we can't take regular jokes.

And in "these times of strife", with December 21, 2012 fast approaching, and Obama rapidly spreading our wealth, we need someone to say something so ~~stupid~~ funny that we sit upright and ~~cry~~ laugh...

This can only be achieved if our politicians and their donors are able to access marijuana for "medical" reasons (never mind the fact that there is no cure for what they have) and enthrall us.

Understanding this, Ron Paul stands for the legalization of medical marijuana. It took me a few days to wait for the smoke from his puffs to clear before I understood why he wishes to do this..

This way he can quickly come up with more entertaining paranoid ideas that prove that big government is bad, and the world can only be saved by people from Texas, as was proved from 2001 to 2008! All this needs and could use some "medical", er, "help"....

I can't wait for when we legalize Heroine and Crystal Meth, for medical uses that is!

Proposing a blasphemous alternative

A cheap alternative to counting the gold billets at Fort Knox?

Finding out if people in the Congress and Senate have a collective IQ that exceeds 100...

References:

1. Ron Paul and Fort Knox:

http://money.cnn.com/2011/06/24/news/economy/ron_paul_gold_audit/

2. Legalizing Marijuana

http://www.christianpost.com/news/ron-paul-barney-frank-call-for-legalization-of-marijuana-51524/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Revisiting great poetry...Daffodils

2011-05-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Just because...I have always wanted to revisit some of my most favorite poems. Here is "Daffodils" by the eternal Wordsworth, one of my all-time favorites. I still know most of the paragraph, "For oft, when on my couch I lie..."

Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
----------------------------------------
Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

The world may be on fire, but heck let's talk about how my iPhone made me miss Yoga

2011-03-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

I always figured that people who pay premium for a brick and think they are part of an innovation must have an element of genius (yeah, that is the adjective I wanted to use, right?!). Now, they seem to be struck with selflessness too.

That's right - they are selfless. All their energy is focused on the damn phony.

First of all, I use my phone as an alarm clock too - but because of all the am/pm jazz, I try to double-check my alarm. And yeah, you have been informed, no matter what happens we cannot stop clocking time backwards and forwards even if it makes us look like idiots. Instead of getting rid of the system Congress messed around with the dates - bravo!

Any normal person would double check the calendar and appointments, but....

In come our iPhone users. So the clock wakes them up late, and the first thing they do is.. go on twitter and yap away...missed my church, missed my yoga...yeah right, good for Yoga!

Not to be outdone, other iPhone owning, tweeting crazies went on the defensive. This proves the point - if you have enough money to spare for an expensive brick, you have so many important things to do...

And on top of that, this just had to be listed as news, right?

For more on this nonsense...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110313/ap_on_hi_te/us_iphone_glitch1st_ld_writethru;_ylt=AgfddP09wmHzgBFqg62Sg_.s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTQ0N200N2l0BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwMzEzL3VzX2lwaG9uZV9nbGl0Y2gxc3RfbGRfd3JpdGV0aHJ1BGNjb2RlA21vc3Rwb3B1bGFyBGNwb3MDOQRwb3MDNgRwdANob21lX2Nva2UEc2VjA3luX2hlYWRsaW5lX2xpc3QEc2xrA3VzZXJzY29tcGxhaQ--

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in today's "What the dickens" - woman who wants to save the world from extinction abducts 4!

2011-01-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

That's right, you read the title! You can read the story as reported in Mercury News, and it reads like a January's fool kinda news story. Here is a slice lifted from the article "kidnapping, false imprisonment, evading police, reckless evasion, resisting arrest and violating a red light into a one-way tunnel".

In case you are wondering what all that is - those are the charges they made while arresting, what might turn out to be a very interesting character named Lark Ann Freeman.

It appears that Lark here calls her profession "saving the world".This summarily the ends the search for someone more egotistical than men who wear white frocks...

As part of her strategy to save the world, which apparently was to end yesterday..and thank God, this blog is still here, ha ha, she decided to kidnap 4 men. She managed to tell three of them that she would pay them money to help her move, and naturally they got into a van operated by a total stranger. The last one - well he was guaranteed a free smoke.

I am not sure exactly how she planned to use these 4 geniuses to save the world from ending, but if she was going to clean the world off stupid people, 4 at a time, being an idiot herself didn't seem to have helped. On what was not such a routine stop involving her straddling lanes, she rammed through a one-way tunnel the wrong way and when she finally stopped...

Number One to the rescue!

That's right - except not the number one you are thinking of. Lark wasn't alone, and together with her passengers she refused to get out when asked to do so. In the meanwhile, the 74 year old guy who succumbed to the desire for a free cigarette decided he couldn't hold it anymore and decided to get out of the cab and apart from letting go, also reveal that there were three more captors in the U-Haul truck...

The questions

While we can all rest easy that Ms. Lark and Co. will not be saving us at least this weekend while she is held on bail, I am sure you, like me have several questions...

1. Why is it okay to get into a stranger's van, just because she is a woman? Sexist and stupid? Yes, granted, the fact that she had a U-Haul van did make it look like she moves..

2. When one of the captives tried calling 911, they were unable to get the call across - what is with that?

3. How did this woman get a license? How did she manage to rent a U-Haul truck? Where do nut jobs like this get their money for all this - I would like to know - the saving the world business does seem to be pretty lucrative till you start straddling lanes and running red lights on the opposite side of one way tunnels...

4. Was this all just a PR-exercise. And if so, what is the point?

Reference:

http://www.mercurynews.com/crime-courts/ci_16984259?source=rss&nclick_check=1

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Is it christmas yet?

2010-12-25T19:04:00.000-08:00

Alright, gotta keep this one brief (you say, "you say?"). Thanks to my friend Anna for first telling me about this and then reminding me again today - how would you know if it is Christmas yet?

Well..there is really only one way! You should go to:

http://isitchristmas.com

Of course, don't look at it tomorrow and blame me for it..!

Merry Christmas! Or not?! Only "time" can tell?!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

The Geek/Nerd Date Advice Line: How about we sit back, relax and tune to our favorite...er, linux radio station!!!

2010-12-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

That's right...Linux is on the radio. "Say what", you say? "Bazinga!", I say.

Well, dedicated to the fictitious, yet, affable Dr. Sheldon Cooper, this radio station has a voice that broadcasts the latest stable kernel of Linux, now at 3.6.1 using eSpeak (there's some geek-speak for you), an open source text-to-speech synthesizer.

Of course, I did copy a huge chunk of that aforementioned description from the website, linux.fm

And if you thought that was crazy, they have a sister-site, whitenoise.fm (anyone remember the movie?) that plays white noise, pink noise and brown noise.

Yeah, I am not going to go into all that. There are a lot of people pretending to be busy updating Wikipedia with the definitions of what each of them means. I am going to steer clear!

So, if you do find a rather stoic biologist for a date, maybe the two of you can play some of these interesting stations as you relax...

I know what you are thinking..gotta get the date first right?

References:

1. Linux Radio: http://www.linux.fm/

2. White Noise FM: http://www.whitenoise.fm/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Recent "book" theft report from Alabama raises several questions...

2010-12-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

The internet is a strange place full of unverifiable rumors and urban legends, ranging from black, socialist, wealth-distributing Presidents to claims of libraries in Alabama!

Several readers have contacted this blogger about shocking rumors causing waves across the internet with claims of a library in existence somewhere in Alabama! The biggest event since the revelation of the "Big Foot" or the "Sasquatch" leaves several unanswered questions than answers:

1. That there is a library in Alabama, and the possibility that more than one exist..!

2. That these libraries do house a book or more than one...

3. That there is a book lover and more than one such book lover in Alabama...

Speculations

The unconfirmed rumors of book lovers and libraries have spread like wildfires across the interwebs (no, not really), with far reaching discussions on what this could mean for a state with bigoted justices of peace (yeah, don't remember that one do ya or y'all?)...

Reality, revisited

All jokes aside, why does a library wait till 200 books are stolen. I mean, at some point you need to start paying attention that books are being stolen right? I mean, in a year, how many books do you expect to be stolen? 10, maybe 20? Even 50 is acceptable?

If you let someone walk away with 222 books over 2 years, at a statistically incorrect average of 111 books a year...your library just, er, sucks!?!

So why bother holding the person on bond for $10,000? Since you are also claiming she was jobless (a detail they could have skipped - not sure what the harping is all about) able to walk past your "security" system as a book lover/thief...why not hire her?

She loves books - won't have a reason to steal, and will probably take good care of your books. But no, this is Alabama....sweet home, eh?

Reference:

1. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/02/ap/strange/main7111852.shtml?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesAreaMain;cbsnewsLeadStoriesHeadlines

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

If machines became self-aware...

2010-12-03T00:12:00.000-08:00

Hollywood has made movies about this stuff. Schwarzenegger has done steroids over this stuff..but if machines did become self aware, do you think they will go all out to wreak vengeance on us...or maybe, they will simply, er, flip the bird?!?!!

Spokane, Washington has some evidence...a pedestrian crossing sign makes a definitive "sign" when asking you not to walk. Of course, city officials would like for you to think otherwise. Speculations range from,

a. A glitch (yeah, right you say?), or,

b. snow, that is wedged into the sign.

I am sure reasoning "b" would be acceptable...however, look at the image and/or the video and judge for yourself!

For more:

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/crossing-sign-gives-pedestrians-the-middle-finger-120210

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

A little something to offend everyone, except engineers, maybe...

2010-10-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

I know, I haven't been blogging a lot here. I have been traveling a bit and since my cat Squeaky has entered my life, I have hardly had time to do anything - but, blog about the cat of course! You can follow Squeaky and his adventures here:

http://yamanoor.com/blog/

So, in the last 24 hours or so, I have seen some excellent cartoons! They seem to expound my life's philosophies on certain "lines" of work, and my own as well...

Let's start with Scott Adams!
[Click to enlarge in a new window]

Source: Obviously, dilbert.com

Commentary: Er, let's leave well be.

And then there is "xkcd" that had this:
[Click to enlarge in a new window]

Source:http://xkcd.com

Commentary: This one could take a minute to get to you...

theoatmeal.com

And then "theoatmeal.com" had this offensive thing to say: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/customer_service

See, I didn't have to say much, and yet, I offended you, or made you laugh...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Let's have some tea and truthiness to go with it...

2010-09-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

So, tea is the new Kool-Aid. Jamestown is now upon us...okay, enough with the disaster scenarios. For someone who drank "ocho" and learned about the practice of Zen, I am tired of this nonsense with Glenn Beck. Even saying his name wants me to throw up. In any case, why sit and whine?

Do we need to counteract the silliness?

The tea baggers do present some cheap entertainment. However, would it make sense for us to keep it going? Probably. But how about we make it more fun and a bit serious at the same time?

Let's get Stephen Colbert, his Reporrr and truthiness involved!

This is exactly what one "mrsammercer" on "reddit" thought up and many of us agree.

Is God or Douglas Adams going to get involved?

Caution: The following section may involve sarcasm and require reading and information processing skills...

Here is what someone had to say?!

"We have our sign from God: Colbert Rally on 101010 == 42. No need to say more."

So, it looks like the big, funny day may be 10.10.10!

Need I say more? So, either the spirit of Douglas Adams or a carpenter's dad will definitely be involved...

Although, there's more "ideas" on reddit. Like this one:

"Idea: Get Tina Fey to do a speech at the rally..."

Here's to some entertainment...

So, if it's your "cuppa tea", help restore truthiness!

http://www.colbertrally.com/

http://www.reddit.com/r/colbertrally

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Microsoft's "titillating" s*xcapades..

2010-08-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

It was really hard to come up with a title for the post. Not that the topic was a tough one, but that there are so many titles that there is no end...however, I chose "titillating" from the article referenced here. It seems quaintly appropriate.

And I know I am a little late on the post, but when it comes to s*x and Microsoft one is never...eh, let's move on.

Feigning Innocence!

Microsoft was organizing some sort of IT brouhaha in Australia. Now, I have not been there, and I would rather not...in case you don't know, they kill Indians and the police pretend it's not racism. Anyhoo..

They decided to "titillate" the IT folks attending the conference to some "meter maids". No, not to teach them the virtues of appropriate parking, the other kind. What other kind? Well, the "gentlemen's club" kind, the kind as Lisa Scottoline would put it, where no "gentlemen" would ever go!

Well, when you hear "meter maids" being used as a "titillation", what do you think?

Yeah, me too. Apparently though, Microsoft didn't expect the meter maids to show up, er, half naked...although if you did a photographic comparison of the surface area to clothed area, you would notice "half" doesn't cut, er, cover it.

So, anyone here buying Microsoft's feigned innocence?

You might, if this was the first time that Microsoft decided to get some extra "help" to encourage their Israeli resellers, if you may.

http://ysrihari.blogspot.com/2010/01/sex-scandal-computers-and-illicit.html

Wait there's more!

You didn't think I would leave you with a soporific post about Microsoft hiring hookers did you? I hope not. What would be the value if this blog chronicled things sans the irony they bring to the doorstep of our inner eyes? You are right I am stretching the point, just filling space to keep the suspense going and all that...

The conference included a section called "Women in IT". Well, if you stepped back and said, "So, what's the big deal?", there is definitely something wrong with you. Or, you may fit right in with Microsoft's marketing department. Who knows?

Much tweeting followed of course - that is right, hire a few meter maids, offend a few women and then hoist your women employees' to tweet down any sign of dissent or protest - a great strategy, any day!

The question I have is, if Microsoft had hired any available "Meter Men" would any of us be saying the same things about men being objectified? Or is that the wrong conclusion to draw?

In any case, the next time Microsoft holds a conference, I want in...wonder what they will do next!

It must be so much fun working at Microsoft. Oh why did I not focus on learning about pointers and work at Microsoft. Damn you all!

References:

1. http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/meter-maids-stunt-backfires-at-microsoft-geek-gathering-20100826-13t2f.html

2. http://www.metermaids.com/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Scr** "The HP Way", I say let's have Hurd run for Congress...the "New" Silicon Valley way...

2010-08-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Among the rather "blah" news we were delivered this week is the fact that Hurd used HP funds to er, pay for his "sexual harassment"!

Then the vultures descended. Apparently, people can't pay for their affairs with company money. And then there is this HP way people keep talking about. Ethics, shmethics...look, once you have fairly ruined a company in Silicon Valley....things start looking up!

Where should we start?

Well, look at Fiorina. She took HP's stock, well, er, let's not go there shall we? And for that singular achievement, she wants to replace Barbara Boxer...

And then, there is the MEG. eBay stocks floored and co-workers got shoved and then settlements took place, but hey, who better for the Governor of California.

So, it would be good for Michael Malone keep talking about the HP way, innovation and all that. Isn't the game - buy random companies, fire thousands of workers, shove a few workers, do other stuff to a few more and then run for office as ... ?

Come on!

Since some of our Silicon Valley "behemoths" (shall we just call them that?) have already taken up the severely selfless task of wanting to be Governor and Senator, I think we need to add a few, such as Hurd to the House, and simply ignore all these detractors who want innovation, care for employees and such...

I mean, did you release a device knowing it had reception issues? Well, first blame the carrier and then fire some random executive for your "antennagate". Unfortunately, we can't ask HIM to run for office, he is already God...

This, my dear friends, is the "New" Silicon Valley way! Come...!! Be one of our executives that shade outside the bounds of ethics and law and run for office!!!

Reference:

To see Michael Malone's anachronistic rant of the "old ways":

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN0822209420100808

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Prop 8, a great model to bankrupt the Mormon "all" churches...

2010-08-04T14:53:00.000-07:00

Preface: The summer of blog, my effort to blog as I continue to stay busy continues, and this blog, posted with pleasure, is of course not nearly as funny and is more a real "weblog" or commentary. Unlike "internet thief" Julian Assange, I have my own opinions, the making of a real journalist, trained, paid or otherwise.

Prop 8 was overturned today, August 4th, 2010. It is not a victory, and a victory that should never have existed anyway. The Mormon church and it's faithfuls of other religions (you would be surprised how religious congregations come together when it is time to spread hatred) hoisted this on Californians (including tax payers like me) and had us spend money defending something that should have been ~~a God~~ an Evolution given right to our state anyway.

This got me thinking - they already wanted a stay, so they have the money to spend on it. And they want to take this to the "conservative" (apparently this is what we are calling it nowadays) Supreme Court.

So, why not give them a run for their money? How about we keep them engaged, constantly, legally?

Like go to Utah and try to pass legislation on gay marriage, for example. Or in any number of states. They will come for a fight, right?

How long can they go on promoting inequality? How long will people buy hatred as a church message? Why not test and find out?

After all, they have already experienced moral bankruptcy...

After all, their "refudiater"-in-chief's daughter couldn't even hold a sham engagement long enough...what do these people really know about marriage? Not a lot, you betcha!

Imaging if any of these geniuses spent money on cleaning pedophiles off their own churches. Oh well, we can't allow a good thing get in the way of targeting minorities, right?

Well, now that Prop 8 has been stemmed temporarily, don't think we are done. Next up, Prop 23....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

How do bad email campaigns "effect" me? They "effect"ively make me mad..thank you IBM and V3

2010-08-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

Alright, you get paid for writing stuff and stuffing people's emails.

You also get to call yourself editors and such other wonderful titles.

You haven't had any reason to prove Green's Theorem, or worry about Bessel's functions for a day in your life.

You have had to write crap about Keats and Wordsworth (and yes, I was and continue to be better at that as well).

You get paid more than people who routinely function better than you.

But you can't spell?

Alright, dramatic effects (or was it affects?) aside, here is what grinds my gears:

Do click on the magical wonder that the screen-shot is.

Here are a few thoughts to some of our friendly, neighborhood editors and marketing geniuses:

1. Go back to grammar school.

2. Alternately, simply go away!

3. Find a different job, one that doesn't involve spelling in the only language you know (this newsletter comes from two companies, one in the United Kingdom and one in the former colonies)

4. Use "spell checkers". Not, Chinese checkers - I am not saying Chinese people are bad at checking grammar (they are probably better than you, given, er...). I am referring to the game, "Chinese Checkers".

5. Show up to work a little less drunk...

Irony

The irony of this email campaign involves the following:

1. questioning how inaccurate information effects, er, affects, er, who knows, me.

2. presenting me with a tool called "smartfacts" (the space in-between or the lack thereof could be an error, or not, or, again, who knows?).

It amazes me that some of us have to work so much harder than the others....or work at all!

Still confused?

Here is how affect and effect differ:

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/affect.html

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Pre-announcing Apple's New Product: iBlame!

2010-07-16T00:57:00.000-07:00

I know some of you are out there, braving 100+ temperatures, taking precious vacation time off, even biting your dog's nails (because yours are already bitten and gone)....because God, er, Steve Jobs has called for a conference.

Actually, I am a bit surprised why it doesn't become a big deal when he runs out of toilet paper. iToilet paper? Toilet iPaper?

Anyway, I was roaming around the streets and one more of Apple's drunk engineers (coming soon: iAA or iApple for the vagabond inebriates) had a prototype of the latest product that will be announced at the "conference" tomorrow!

So, if you hear that the Silicon Valley cops (having solved all other crimes, they are ready to function as Jobs' private security using my tax money) arrest me by tomorrow for pre-releasing photos and descriptions of Apple's products, I hope you understand the sacrifice and pain I am going through for you..I am a blogger, not even a journalist...

So, what is the product going to be?

After throwing his jacket to the crowds and signing across the chests of raging fans, Steve Jobs will pull out of h... , the new product!

At this point, as usual, the birds will stop flying, the waves will stop churning, babies will stop crying and the moon will eclipse.

iBlame!, the product

Yes! Steve Jobs has had enough. How can anyone even possibly, remotely doubt that he is ~~ready~~ to be blamed? So, at the conference tomorrow (rather, later today) he is going to announce a product that will be compatible with all future Apple products but will not function with unapproved third party hardware, software, firmware, infirmware and such...

This product will have the following hitherto unknown functions that will fix all previously known issues:

In case of defect, damage, or even a complete lack of functionality on the part of any Apple product, the following will be the order in which Apple will place blame:

1. The hardware manufacturer (read Chinese teenagers) is to blame.

2. The third party service provider is to blame.

3. Mercury is retrograde

4. Saturn is shining his light up URa.....

5. It's bad juju, or Microsoft, hey, maybe it's Google, or those tribbles...!

6. It's Yamanoor Srihari's fault..

7. You, the customer (for further comprehension, consult Toyota, which likes to prove all it's customers are iDiots too).

Customer and Congressional Reaction

Even before iBlame is released, customer reaction has been anticipatorily rampant. For example, it appears that Democrat Senator Schumer has decided to ~~apologize~~, er, ~~grovel~~, no, "urge" Apple the following: "to come up with a "permanent fix" to the problem at no cost to customers."

I also heard that Grassley and Rep Barton were pissed at Schumer because Schumer beat him to the race. Grassley was still writing one of his usual, ~~ineffective~~ letters and Barton wants to be the first to apologize to companies when they get blamed for what they did.

In any case, it is anticipated that one of the responses will be "Congress can go legislate itself".

Analysts' projections for iBlame's success:

The same analysts that brought you the financial success that the last three years have been, believe that iBlame will have the following successes:

1. No matter what happens, Apple won't have to recall it's devices. They can write fake code to show fake bars, or even attach twigs to white bricks for antennas.

2. Steve Jobs will continue to be God. After all, he survived his own, personal, special, private "Stock Backdating" scam. People who survive that can really do whatever the heck they please.

3. People will still continue to call Apple, it's design and products "innovative". After all, if you don't bother to find out what you are talking about.. (wait, did I say that loud?, ah, the backspace key fell off, shoulda bought Apple you know!).

4. Given how business friendly the Obama Administration has become, what with Goldman Sachs being asked to throw ~~chuck~~chump change (less than one day's gain in stock value) at the SEC, and Glaxo getting to keep it's useless, and in fact potentially harmful Avandia on the market thanks to the FDA, Apple can be sure that Jobs is safe, and the iPhone can get approved as a medical device or a perpetual motion machine. At this point, it is their choice to ask, or order anything...

More Customer Reaction

After I found out about the impending release of iBlame, I bid adieu to the intoxicated employee and decided to seek some more customer reaction.

Disclaimer: My interviews with Apple customers are as factual as the iPhone's signal bars...

Walking down the street, I talked to a few avid customers. Here are some reactions:

"I mean, it's like the iBlame sounds like a kewl idea. As long as he can blame someone else for the problem and send bloggers to prison, he can keep making stuff for me to throw more money at him right? Screw those orphans and dying dogs, I donated 10 cents through an SMS from my $200 phone I never needed. I am like, that's sooo 21st century!"

I pointed to another customer that the iPhone may have functionality issues. His response was, "Even if he sold crap in a white box, I would buy it". When I pointed out the irony in his statement, unaffected, he said, "Well, there you go".

So, do you think I will be able to tweet myself out of prison? Or hell?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Toyota's customer service mantra: It's the customer that is stupid!

2010-07-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

I have a favorite saying (I have many, but that's for another day): if there is an error, it must be the user...

It is one thing for people to call Toyota customers stupid, it is something really entertaining to watch Toyota do the same thing! And that, my dear friends is exactly what your not-so-friendly, the "cockroach of the freeways" (that's right, at the end of time, the Toyotas would still be running around - given the fact that they would have rammed the rest of us) now claims that you, the customer are to blame, not themselves...

After all, the Toyota was originally never designed to go anywhere close to the speed limit! So, when you depress the accelerator, the car turns into a Golden Retriever in a children's park!!

Now if you wanted appropriate acceleration, why would you buy a Toyota? That is why the company is calling you an idiot.

And then, there were those who bought the car after the news of the defects came out....

Well, what do you call the people who rush into buy a defective product just because it was offered on discount - yes, Virginia, there may very well be a Santa Claus (why not, Fox News has a viewership, yeah?), but sometimes Mom and Dad are just...

At the end of the day, if a Toyota gets behind you on the road...

References:

1. On Toyota strangling independent research into their safety:

Click Here

2. When Toyota called it's customers stupid:

Click Here

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Fiorina's Intellectually Charged Campaign Message: I am so pretty and Boxer's hair is SO yesterday....

2010-06-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

For all of you left leaning, tree hugging bunch of neo-liberal fruitcakes out there who predicted that Fiorina is trying to do the senate and world what she did to HP's already diminshed stock price and self esteem, she has a fitting reply - her campaign message.

In true conservative fashion, she has announced her campaign - making fun of Barbara Boxer's hair! (Yes, that is right, this right leaning, conservative, yet progressive leader (failure) of the commercial world has some serious issues with Boxer and her hair style).

After all, this is California, where people dress up and braid each other's hair.

Moreover, Fiorina must represent the best in what is happening to women candidates everywhere!

I say we all vote Fiorina to the senate, so that women everywhere will take keeping up with "today's" fashions and braiding their hair more seriously.

That, will take us back to the conservative "roots" where women belong. Not these career-minded, hoity toity women that have no respect for the lord and his desire to impregnate them as many times as it is religiously feasible...

As to her criticism of Hannity, it may have also been his hair style. If Republican men and their impartial media outlets didn't comb their hair...

For reference and other fun:
javascript:void(0)
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/06/09/state/n201015D93.DTL

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Israel - Aggressively Stupid or Stupidly Aggressive?

2010-05-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

Along with many others in the world, I had thought that Israel suffered the consequences of terrorism. Now, I wonder.

Are you kidding me?

You land on an aid ship from choppers and start a fight.

The people on the ship attack you with sticks and you respond with guns.

Israel - you have gone mad.

The consequences?

I expect the consequences to be as follows:

1. First Obama, then Hillary will condemn Israel.

2. Then, egged on by Congress and every single Congressional vote they cannot loose, the world's most powerful man will grovel in front of Israel. In case you have ALREADY forgotten, that's what happened last time when they threw eggs at Biden, er, announced a new settlement.

3. A bunch of "Friends of Israel" will publish a full page SOB story ad in the New York Times or Wall Street Journal. We will all be reminded of Hitler - never mind that attacking unarmed people on boats is not much different. (I know, no one reads papers anymore, but this too has happened viz-a-viz, the settlement brouhaha.)

4. In a few days, we will all be more concerned with the "next Idol" or "brainless Chefs cooking tasteless food" on Bravo, or "Ghost Hunters Academy".

Israel's next target - orphanages or seniors' homes?

Meanwhile, we will be biting our nails to see if Israel will bomb a "Home for the Aged" or an orphanage. Obviously, kids and seniors can be very dangerous to Israel's "sovereignty" (yes, that's what we are calling it now) when armed with sticks and stones.

Idiots...

Happy Birthday "gre-success"

2010-05-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

Many of you who have known me for a while have seen me brag about my graduate admissions help group "gre-success". Started nine years ago, this group has come to be a great source of learning and joy for me. We have found several volunteers, some of whom have come and gone, and many who have stayed.

If you are looking at graduate studies, or know of someone, tell them of us. If you simply want to enter into spirited discussions on the English language and it's usage (since we discuss GRE, TOEFL, other standardized tests and the oddities associated with the language skills tested...), join us!

We have provided students with suggestions on the tests, the application processes, and the schools they apply to. Where necessary, we have warned students of pitfalls, and we are always looking to improve our services.

Visit

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gre-success/ and our adjoining, budding wiki site,

http://gre-success.pbworks.com/ and wish the group many great years of service ahead!

How many South Carolina folks does it take to catch an emu?

2010-05-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

Now I am not Erle Stanley Gardner (and thus he slumbers peacefully in his grave). If I were, I would have quaintly called it "The Case of the Runaway Emu". Yet, I wonder how many people that title would attract.

If I was Wordsworth (a whole bunch of British people would be pissed that Indians are NOW stealing poetry!), title would read, "Posting garbage about emus on a sunny day in May"

Secretly though, I think the blog title should read: How to take a very simple story and make a blog post out if it. Anyway, enough of that...

On to the aviary. Apparently an emu decided that he/she should pull an "I, Robot" and hit the road. I am sorry, but we humans are not ready to give birds freedom.

What a chicken, I mean emu! If you really wanted to take off, you should have taken, er, flight..(just remembered they can't do that, failing biology doesn't really help, sigh!)

Now, if the emu had Indian parents...they would have said: "Fly damn it. Look at the pigeons. Even the crows do it. You run fast and flap. Flap! Oh, why is God doing this to me...!" I am telling you, even the dead emus would fly!

So how many people from South Carolina does it take?

To answer the 64 Euro (whose value has no bottom) question, it takes, er 50 people. You know, it doesn't help Southern Pride much, given this cornucopia of urban bird chasers included the police and animal control folks.

And to think, a humble net did the trick.

It's back to the drawing board for the gallivanting emu!

Reference:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/05/ap/strange/main6463133.shtml?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesAreaMain;cbsnewsLeadStoriesHeadlines

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Yahoo! means "loud mouth" - literally, company CEO proves

2010-05-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yahoo! is one hell of a meandering giant that has no reason to exist and yet, it continues to do so. And when it comes to the choice of their CEOs, while you would say that logic dictates that they "never get it right", from an entertainment stand point of view, they make the best choices!

Apparently, the BBC has taken to interviewing ~~completely ineffective~~ CEOs from the technology world. You would think that these people would look themselves in the mirror hanging in the BBC restroom, and tell themselves, "It's only a few minutes, just keep it simple and don't do anything stupid. This way Steve Job's childish tantrums will be mostly what gets covered."

Hmm, well, I don't know if there are no mirrors in the restrooms at BBC or not, or what new plastics worth smoking have emerged, but Yahoo!'s CEO Bartz felt compelled to sit down and talk about, er, Google's problems. Yes, you heard me right - I ain't the one smokin' stuff baby. What with all the crazies around us, why bother..

Why not, right?

You may be surprised and ask why Yahoo!'s CEO would dare speak about Google. I defy you sir, indeed, I dare you - why not?

Look at it this way. If you have been the CEO of Autodesk and have done a cool job of running the organization to the ground, your next stop would be to exercise these muscles would be Yahoo!, right?

That must have been the logic, when Yahoo! chose to replace the wizard of Silicon Valley, Jerry Yang ("WHAT", you say, have you been reading the news, I ask) with Bartz.

Actually, when Yahoo! went begging for people to take the job, word on the street is - not even the marginally bad ones wanted it.

After Jerry Yang's success at keeping Microsoft at bay, at the cost of all those grannies' pensions, of course, Bartz can take Yahoo! DOWN a new path.

If there was any reason for her to hold back on the "advice giving brouhaha", the fact that she has become one of the highest paid CEOs (yes, that's right, pay for "performance" be damned to hell and back), she has no fear.

Apparently, Google is only famous for search. Now Google is just as evil as everyone out there and needs no defending. Plus, it makes truck loads of money advertising on all the free tools I use.

Yet, you've got to be so disconnected from reality to be talking about Google's "problems". First of all, they are all oh so phantom...secondly, lady, just do something, anything to shore up Yahoo!

All that increase in revenue? Yeah, that's from the fall in revenue.

When was the last time anyone used Yahoo! for search? Or Bing? 50% of the business my pink tushy! Apparently, search is 50% of Yahoo!'s business. And the other 50%?

I know Sarah Palin used Yahoo! Mail for official state business and got someone else convicted, but other than that....

The next step?

It is obvious isn't it? In California, we have a tradition. If you have managed to turn your company's stock price into pulp, then you have two directions to go down:

1. The U.S. Senate - just look at the aspirations of Carly Fiona!

2. California's Governorship - Ah, to imagine that Meg Whitman wishes to do to California what she did to eBay....and one sits here thinking how could thinks get worse in CA?

Why not, right? If Yahoo! can give you bags of money ($47 million to be precise) for a year's worth of predicting Google's problems, I really have nothing more to say. The jaws stopped drawing long ago...

One thing is certain. At a minimum, this has reminded us Yahoo! still exists...

References:

If you want to read about all this nonsense:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/195366/tech_irony_yahoo_ceo_says_google_needs_help.html?tk=nl_dnx_h_crawl

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/bartz_bags_payday_z8WWdvFOraMpnihHTeN68M

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Arizona to Earth: Sorry sir, please step aside, you don't look white er, right enough...

2010-04-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

Alright! Let's all have some tea!!!

Arizona has now completely evolved. They love themselves so much, they are changing their state's motto to

Arizona: The Racist State

Can you blame them? Really? Here is why what Arizona has done is correct:

1. They don't like you. You are not white, I mean, right, I mean Republican, I mean you know what I mean...you just don't belong here. Get out.

2. It doesn't matter if the name Arizona itself is Spanish. If you can't spell "irony" how is it going to affect you?

3. Nothing good ever came of immigrants in this country. When was the last time you heard an immigrant doing anything good? I mean, look at me sitting on my brown a.. , telling you all this. Of course the people on the Mayflower weren't immigrants. They were "pioneers". Get it? No? What, are you retarded? I can say "retarded". I am not a Democrat, see...

4. Their police need something to do. I mean come on, they have solved all their other problems.....

Conclusion: I wonder if they will soon pass a law that says, "For w*****s only". We will all be able to drive to the borders of Arizona and reminisce those good old days of wonder and joy that brought the American dream to all our doorsteps. Of course, John McCain will endorse that too. He always knows to do the right thing...just look at Sarah Palin!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in this week's "Where are the jobs", we introduce: Doga - how to torture your pet and get some exercise...

2010-04-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

If you thought people who put shoes and sweaters on their dogs were being rude and incongruous with sanity, you have another thing coming...

We introduce Doga - apparently, Dog + Yoga.

I am not sure how to go from here without spitting euphemisms that allure at the misconstrued ancestry of the people who invented, er, "Doga".

So, what about people who own donkeys and want to do yoga?

Will you call that Ass-ga?

I think we should call it something else:

Devolution - Devilishly Idiotic Dog-Owner's Brain Dissolution.

I know doesn't rhyme well, and doesn't fit well - but hey, "Doga" is also pretty dumb. Actually, it is just dumb, not pretty at all.

Makes you wonder if the poor dogs are having to pay for the ~~sins, er sob stories, er~~ads "performed" by Sarah Mclaughlin on TV. I sometimes feel that dogs become depressed just thinking about her.

Well, the poor dogs on the Mclaughlin ads have it easy, compared to our "Doga" dogs.

The moral of the story is, if you dig enough gold and some poor bastard pays for your dog and the boutique bills, then you can lift the hapless four-legged creature off the ground and dance around like a maniac?

Jeez, get a life!

If you have no idea what the hell I am talking about:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/tlg/1671298318.html

So what do you think? Is this more insulting to dogs or yoga? Is there even a degree of comparison here?

I seriously hope to Dog, er God, this is just a bad April Fool's joke!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

The patron saint of devils, or child molesters?

2010-03-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

You know how it is, right?

You work hard for years, systematically covering up all the dirt under the carpet and calling all other religions weak.

Finally, they give you a high seat, a balcony with a view of blind followers and a white frock with a cap.

When the whole child molestation thing came back up, I didn't feel surprised or in the midst of new news. This of course was followed by confusion about some Cardinal Ratzinger.

I was like who is this Ratzinger? Well, the rat should have given it away. god's (grammatical error intended to avoid misplaced respect of the dis-respectable or the non-existent) messenger on Earth defends child molesters. Cute, the ways of god.

Turns out Ratzinger is our friend, Z Pope. What and who he "Benedicts" to, is probably going to shock you...

It reads like a bad imitation of a Sidney Sheldon. How did one man have so much power to cover so many crimes across several countries? And how the frick did he become the leader of what now appears to be an offensive and rather dangerous clan?

Makes the crazy bastards from the Texas clan (the one they recently disbanded by sending in the FBI) look less daunting.

Separation of the church from my ..., leave alone the Government please. How disgusting?

The massive "Catholic Church" scam

I think we should first investigate this guy and start asking him some serious questions. More importantly we need to develop a clear understanding as to why the law enforcement agencies have not started disbanding these churches.

It is impossible to believe that statutes and other drivel would have gotten in the way. I guess it is easier to harass seniors for computer glitches (this is what the real NYPD does in it's spare time, actually, during work time) and write speeding tickets to well meaning citizens.

And there are politicians worried that if they didn't support this guy, they wouldn't get communion from this guy and his band of "priests".

Not that any "religion" should, but could anyone else have gotten away with such sub-human behavior?

Who else thought they should throw up?

If you have no idea of what I am talking about read this and weep:

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/03/26/us/AP-Church-Abuse-Wisconsin.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Reuters Expose: Barack Obama is Israel's secret President (or the post known as how dumb is Reuters)

2010-03-08T00:09:00.000-08:00

Emulating Fox "News", I need to say: This is a rush transcript (by which they usually mean it is cooked up, unmitigated drivel).

Though I have been taking a break from blogging because I am working on a top secret project, I could not resist this one...

We have all been there. The spell-checker messes up, or we have just been too spaced out. But you have to be dumb to pay and get paid to write, edit, and publish stuff that is supposedly journalistic and other hogwash and mix up something this big.

We are talking about the world's most powerful man, his sidekick (who is usually the one mixing things up, notwithstanding Obama's seances and special Olympics), the world's most aggressive nation and the USA.

How can you mix things up so bad on the first line of the frigging article?

Maybe next time "Dan Williams" and "Jon Hemmings" should turn down the volume on the Oscars, take a sip less or so and read what they write and edit?

Here's to wishing for those "high" (no, not that high, Cheech, Chong, Kumar and Harold) journalistic standards that people lament will disappear if we don't pay for such drivel..

And what is with that random sprinkling of "Barack Obama" links around the article?

Now, maybe there really was a problem with Obama's oath taking, along with the whole birth certificate mystery and him dressing up as a clown and robbing banks while imposing socialism on all of us....phew, long sentence n'est pas? Not enough space on the inner palm to note down...

Also makes you wonder, if Biden is still the Vice President (Reuters, in this article of the legends, never reveals who the big boss is), who is the current President of the U.S.?

Is Obama moonlighting?

Or is Cheney our secret President! Oh wow! or was it Oh No?!!!

Link to this well crafted piece of "journalism":

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6271YE20100308

Conclusion:

Hey, I write crap too (mostly by plan), will Reuters pay me? I know Rupert will...just watch - shut up Srihari, don't fight the big media. They have lawyers that will come after money you don't have (and if the lawyers are as good as their journalists...). And, you are not cute like Colbert....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Dalai Lama to Pope - I see your facebook account and raise you a twitter....

2010-02-23T20:29:00.000-08:00

Alright, Dalai Lama!

When the pope went on facebook and youtube you knew the "game was on".

He was calling on all the other religious leaders to "bring it" (like all the otherwise unemployable judges on MTV say).

Most religious leaders ducked ... but, the Dalai Lama was not going to back down.

After all, unlike the Pope who has his own country, palaces and the means to ban Bill Maher, Dalai Lama has to live in India, fear persecution and the Chinese Government...

Given that the "elite" Chinese students must be raring to hack into the Lama-dude's twitter account, you would think he would back down...not him!

Yours truly is following him, and recommends you do as well:

http://twitter.com/dalailama

When I added myself, there were about 93,804 followers (me being the 5 that ensued) of Lama-san. Now, pope-meister and Hu - how many people do you have following you?

Ze Pope had 98,356 fans as of 8:15pm, PST on 2/23/2010...and he has been a member since much longer than the L.

Must especially hurt the Frockmeister, since he wants his priests to go forth and ~~molest~~, er, preach using social networks such as Facebook, buzz, eharmony and other social networks. If the Lama beats him, just after 2 days...what is Rome going to do?

How will they beat the pagan? What puffs of smoke will Rome send up the internet's, uh-hmm, tubes, to deal with this problem?

How long will it be before the Chinese schools hack this account - after all, harassing Tibetans is not just a way of life, but a security issue...!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Was Palin more hurt because she was referred to on Family Guy, or were we more hurt because we are hopey and changey

2010-02-22T00:46:00.000-08:00

First off, someone paid her $100,000 to talk. People usually ask me to shut up. Did I go on Fox News and launch a tirade about the unfairness with which we are treated?

Maybe I should?

So, I watched the Family Guy episode, live, a rare occurence for me. Here were my reactions:

a. Oh my god, and then I realized I don't believe in jack-asses that don't exist and if they did, should be in prison (for among other things, having created me).

b. Oh well, it is Family Guy.

Now the funny thing is, it wasn't South Park that did it. And now, I think we should have a match off and have all the animatronic shows mention Palin as many times as possible.

After all, it will garner her all the publicity she needs, further burying our hopeys and changeys.

I have a feeling Palin's indignation had nothing to do with autistic people or other people with special abilities, because if she understood them, then she wouldn't treat Family Guy episodes the way she has done.

Moreover, by trying to openly hurt a vast majority of us, she doesn't have this self-perceived authority to defend autistic people:

Oh well, Ms. Palin, did you stop and think before you quipped, "How is the hopey, changey thing going?"

Well, here's to hoping ....

Palin's own 2012 hopeys

I understand that a half-black man with immense oratorical talents becoming the President before completing a single term as senator can give a lot of people hope.

Yes, to move forward and become something.

But see, he didn't chicken out, resign and run away after 18 months. He got promoted, so to speak.

Heck, the guy won't give up on his damned health care thing even now (please don't!).

Autism, disabilities, Sarcasm for ~~dum...~~former Governors of Alaska and the Family Guy

Andrea Fay Friedman, an autistic actress played the role of the autistic cartoon character in the Family Guy episode.

While she said several wonderful things, including calling out Sarah Palin on treating her son as a "vote bank" loaf of bread, she made an unfortunate slip.

She tried to explain sarcasm to Sarah Palin.

Little did she know that Palin has her own "understanding" on sarcasm.

According to Sarah Palin, it is OKAY for Rush Limbaugh to call people with special abilities "f*ing retards" - yes, he actually f*ing did!

That, according to Palin is sarcasm.

However, it is not okay for Rahm Emanuel to do so...

(and Rahm, will you shut the f* up - hopefully talking to you in your own terms may, possibly help?)

Weird? You betcha!

I have another theory for why sarcasm may be out of the reach of Palin...her inner palm is too small for the explanation to be written out succinctly and r-word proofingly!

Here is Andrea Fay Friedman's wonderful statement:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/18/family-guy-actress-respon_n_468331.html

The State of the ~~Union~~ real hopey-changey thing

The real hopey-changey thing, some people tell me, is that some time, in the not so distant future, maybe, possibly, plausibly, the Republican Party can field a candidate with working brains!

And that hopey-changey thing, Ms. Palin, is not doing well....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Liberty - the one everyone loved to date, parade and then dump...

2010-02-04T13:11:00.000-08:00

Alternate Title: Who want's to play, "Let's trade a senator!"?

Note: This post brought to you by the 1st amendment rights, which when used against against Justice Clarence Thomas, makes him very angry...

Supremely Injudicial

Different countries in the world have different ways of establishing and running a "supreme" court. For example, in Pakistan, you can get arrested for being a supreme court judge and thrown out of power any time at anyone's whim.

On the other hand, as President in the US, you could use your ~~ineptitude~~ skills to mark the Supreme Court's direction for several decades by appointing judges, ranging from the genius to "I am 40 years old and barely getting through the federal judiciary system".

Thus, President Bush, left his mark on us by creating a lovely system with 5 judges on one side and 4 on another, hell bent on sticking to their stand, no matter what.

After having effectively dismantled election reform, Clarence Thomas and Anthony Kennedy have become regular politics, doing the press rounds, writing major opinions and answering questions asked by timid students carefully hand selected by faculty. What happened oh glorious justices? Too chicken hearted, eh?

According to Tom (Clarence Thomas if you want the unabridged version) here, even newspaper organizations are corporations who can now trade senators. Alright, it may be bad for "The New York Times" and "Washington Post" as corporations to talk about these Justices and how they have liberated corporations from being unable to buy and sell senators and congresspersons, but how about Joe the blogger?

Hey Thomas and Kennedy, this is how the rest of us feel what you did is going to do to us:

http://cartoonbox.slate.com/static/27.html

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Hopefully the cartoon does the same to you, since you are either too busy or too thick - how else can you be this disconnected from reality?

The picture is not for your assistant to print and give to you so that you can color inside the lines, by the way.

Liberty goes to town

Everyone loves liberty. She is pretty in pink, blue, and now red!

It is not just for ACLU and EFF anymore. Anyone can go on a date with Liberty!

You can scare anyone into submitting to any kind of nonsense you wish to pull, for example - you tell them that they will lose their liberties if the judges and politicians weren't allowed to pull the same liberties from under them to prevent the liberties from being lost...I know, but hey Clarence Thomas, our dear friend here started this, not me!

Yes, truth hurts, but that is the point of liberty - when you pull something DUMB, people get to tell you about it! I think even someone who failed in a law school in Iran or Cuba would get that....

Conclusion

In a way, it is a good thing - you don't want these guys operating your bridges or amusement park rides. At least, by putting senators on sale, these Justices and protectors of liberty are causing less damage than they would in a real job!

Maybe, that is how Supreme Court judges should be selected....

Meanwhile, I wonder what entrepreneur will build the first "Let's trade a senator" game show/social network/real-time-online-secure-confidential stock exchange?!

Reference:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100204/ap_on_re_us/us_supreme_court_thomas;_ylt=AiTZzJA3kn40OMxDJtOZVL6s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTNyZDgxMWY4BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwMjA0L3VzX3N1cHJlbWVfY291cnRfdGhvbWFzBGNjb2RlA21vc3Rwb3B1bGFyBGNwb3MDNQRwb3MDMgRwdANob21lX2Nva2UEc2VjA3luX2hlYWRsaW5lX2xpc3QEc2xrA3Rob21hc3NvbWVxdQ--

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Sex, Scandal, Computers and Illicit Matchmaking - Why Microsoft and Yahoo! are perfect for each other and other lores..

2010-01-31T21:13:00.000-08:00

Ah! What a week.

We began with a Christian crusader on the interwebs who tried to take down a match-making website for "married folks" (so that they can date someone else, mind you). It turns out, he has accidentally turned into a crusader FOR the website, giving it good marketing and visibility!

Isn't that a holy mackerel for you!

The story is here (but there's more, so come on back now):

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/26/facebook_campaign/

Talk about your niche business! After all, the match-making beeswax is crowded and you have to "differentiate" right?

Now, now, if you found your significant other lurking there, don't go on killing this messenger.

Word of advice though: If they say, they were there to check if you were there, you might want to....

Well, what is this Microsoft thing?

You know with all the Google and Apple jazz, Microsoft obviously felt that it was facing stiff competition. Now, others may cringe, but they know what to do!

So, when the going got tough in Israel, they purportedly took their resellers on a cruise and offered them sex workers! Obviously, this is a loose interpretation of "let us make this happen, one way or the other". (The pope might want to take a leaf out of this book, but he comes a little later).

And thus, we have a "world's oldest profession" meets "technology" show!

Of course, EIN, the reseller in question claims that it refused to participate in this orgy and has become victimized. Who knows, maybe there was a misunderstanding? Maybe those exotic ladies were just there because Windows 7 was their idea too...

That story (and by no means is this over, so you need to come back again) is here:

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2010/01/27/microsoft_offered_ladies/

This week's Do-It-Yourself Project: How to get Yahoo! to expense your lap dance!

Attend one of their "Hack Day" events.

Caveat: You might have to go their Taiwan offices though.

In 2009, Yahoo! brought in developers for a "Hack Day" event. They gave away lap dances for the developers that showed up, and what was cute about this was the fact that it was more of a "What stays in Taiwan happens in Taiwan till someone posts the pictures of lap dances online accidentally and everyone gets angry about it and we fake an apology" kind of an event....

That is right. The "developers" who showed up for this event got lap dances and everybody did a great job of hushing it up!

Yahoo! then started getting worried when folks called it "sexist". Wonder why no one called them "stupid".

You can read about all that here:

http://www.businessinsider.com/yahoo-hires-lap-dancers-for-hack-day-apologizes-2009-10

Note: While reporting and talking about people lamenting that "exotic" dancers were used at the Yahoo! event, all the "reporting" included suggestive pictures, generously gleaned from the ill-fated picturas!

The perfect foundation for a marriage: But honey, I was thinking of you all the time

Obviously, both Yahoo! and Microsoft think of women alike (never mind what they think of them). Their business plans to boost sales and attract developers also seem to be alike. Then why simply merge search? Why not go for the total marriage. Cheating, fidelity and ethical business will be no problem!

On other ~~unholy~~ unions

Well, when two people are unhappy with their marriages, they should separate instead of using the internet to cheat, right?

Well ~~the man in a dress~~ the Pope doesn't agree! He thinks his "people" (the ones on whose behalf the church has paid millions to "settle") should go out and save marriages at all cost.. that is right. Actually he wants these priests to stop annulments at all costs!

You can read about that here:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Pope+says+marriage+annulments+shouldn+easy/2499759/story.html

Wonder how he feels about annulling gay marriages?!

Hnmm, what else does the Pope want?...actually he wants all the priests to go out and blog. He does not want them present, he wants them to use digital communications effectively...

Alright, these are the wonder years, I will wonder once again before you wonder...how does he feel about maritalaffair.co.uk as a digital communication tool?

Okay, we have had enough of this fake Sue Johnson show for one evening!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

iPoop: Apple forgot to check whether iPhad is a good name or if it can even own it in the first place

2010-01-28T23:43:00.000-08:00

Apple is at the forefront of innovation. After all, they invented the tablet, even though it already existed for a few years.

It is speculated that soon they claim all words that have "i" in front of them and simply add "i" elsewhere. While there is great speculation whether the next word they will claim is "iDiot" or "innovation", other trouble seems to be brewing elsewhere.

It appears that a lot of women were not happy with the reference to "pad". Moreover there appears to be a long list of people who own the iPad trademark owners ranging from Fujitsu (if you wonder how Fujitsu is linked to pad, how about trying to see how a fruit company is linked to it as well) to obscure owners such as STMicro, apparently Europe's largest chip maker. A word of caution, these are not the kind of chips you eat, so it gets even more boring.

Of course, none of them worry that the "pad" in iPad is not being received well by women. They just want to duke it out.

Meanwhile, across the world, someone (not me, really, not me at all) was heard as saying, "Great, for $499, now you can watch p**n and the keyboard won't get in the way...

Somebody should look to see if iP**n is trademarked yet...then we'll know who's the original perv! Or, iPerv? Must stop writing...must stop!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

An off-topic shameless plug for Skribit!

2010-01-21T22:56:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I came across a nifty tool called "skribit". Of course, I think it is nifty and installed it on one of my blogs, hoping people would leave suggestions on what I should write about. While not much panned out then, I thought I will give it a second try.

And of course, there is some shamefulness to it, in that, if I am one of the first hundred people to talk about skribit, I might snag a pro account. Imagine being able to tell me what you want me to write on multiple blogs!

Regardless of the prize, I believe two things are true:

1. Skribit is a cool tool.

2. I want you to tell me what I should write using the tool!

On a more serious note, with everything turn into social media, we now need some motivation for blogs as well. All the supposed experts on blogging tell you that your audience should be motivated to comment on your blog. Most of my audience is composed of my friends and acquaintances and they like just getting in touch with me and telling me what they thought.

So, a tool like skribit might actually help me make the blog interactive with my audience. If you have a blog, you should try it too:

http://skribit.com/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Massachusetts - The selfish state or Massachusetts - The New Florida?

2010-01-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hey at least, the people in Florida can celebrate now, right?!

Their dubious distinction in history now has a chance of disappearing into oblivion while people wonder how a state with 3 times the number of Democrats than Republicans could not take care of one senate seat that they had held on for 36 odd years (especially when they had just passed the most important legislation of their lifetime with exactly 60 votes and NONE to spare).

If there ever was one party that was completely clueless from the top (yes, Mr. Dreamy Eyed, "I have no clue but I will promise anything to win" President, it includes you, especially you) to the bottom, what would it's name be?

As to the good folks in Massachusetts, what exactly are you thinking?

The Republicans who brought on the financial crisis will somehow improve things for your state? By being a minority party that simply votes no for everything?

Or, now that you have Universal Healthcare, you don't have to give, as they ~~don't~~ say, a frick about anyone else?

And thus, Massachusetts - you only have these choices for your new state motto:

a. Massachusetts - The selfish state
b. Massachusetts - We don't know where our Democrats went at the crucial moment, state.
c. Massachusetts - The new Florida, minus the sun and worse...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And, in this week's "Help! My middle school vice principal is an all round paranoid idi..." section...

2010-01-16T22:54:00.000-08:00

This happened, "this week in science".

In the Millennial Tech Magnet Middle School in the Chollas View high school in San Diego, California, a vice principal saw a 11 year old with a Gatorade bottle with wires sticking out of it, concluded that the kid was possibly a terrorist and called the fire department and police to investigate.

Given the school wants to call itself "the Millenial Tech Magnet", you would be shocked and possibly disturbed that the faculty and administration may not have the science knowledge or commonsense that a five year old kid would be expected to have...you would be right in being paranoid, or would you?!

Thank God, everyone is talking about how the kid will not be charged criminally and ignoring the possibility that the school may be laughed at, by even what some unkind folks might call "slow" people...

How many 11 year old home-made bomb builders do you know?

If you are a school teacher or a principal, er "vice" principal, given the probability that you get to meet more 11 year old kids than anyone else, how many home-made bomb building 11 year old kids do you know?

The answer, in all likelihood is zero.

Because in recent human history, minus time machines, parallel universes and child geniuses or aliens nudging kids to build bombs in their basement - the answer is zero, with proof!

Proof, Schmoof!, Right? Call the police and fire department. Are you amazed that they behaved in equanimity with the school?

All I can say is, you amaze easily.

If you are a school principal and see a kid with a box that has wires jumping out of it, maybe you should talk to the student first?

Or the student's teacher?

Or, know enough science to understandwhat a box with wires sticking out of it could do?

Or be a vice principal possibly connected to a shred of reality?

Oh, thank God, our taxes in California or our hard earned money (in case this ingenuity is being run privately and we are the parents funding this) pay for such storied institutions, where "Imagination is more important than Knowledge".

At least Einstein is probably spinning (and not just turning) rather faster in his grave...

Every authority involved in this ~~joke~~ incident is right. It is the kid and his/her parents that need "counseling".

Are you wondering who pays for that counseling? You poor thing...

Here is your "State of the State in Faculty Development and Behavior":

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/jan/15/students-evacuated-school-chollas-view/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And, in this week's "Oh so cute and chweet..": a jail bird, er, not exactly a bird...

2010-01-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

She is one mean prisoner. She waited and waited till she got her chance. And when the first chance came along, Montenegro's one of a kind prisoner escaped...

Using a flood as a good excuse, she swam away, even as others remained in their, er, cages. What's worse, the prison guards are co-operating, feeding her. Word is out that the villagers are in on it too!

Here is the equivalent of an artist's sketch:

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/hippo-swims-artificial-lake-farm-Puerto-Triunfo-Colombia-December-21/photo//100113/ids_photos_ts/r3006578692.jpg//s:/nm/20100113/od_nm/us_hippopotamus

The original story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100113/od_nm/us_hippopotamus

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

What your operating system tells about you...

2010-01-14T20:57:00.000-08:00

After years of research (and being ticked of by John Hodgman and Joe the ~~plumber~~OS designers), I have come to the following statistically significant conclusions...

I am a PC = I am an idiot

I am a Mac = I am a rich idiot

I am a Linux/Android/Red Hat/White toilet paper/Bubbloontoo... = I am a snob who knows more unimportant things than you

I am a blogger = Well, you know...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Breaking News - News is broken - Sarah Palin now on Fox News. Question is - does it matter....

2010-01-11T11:03:00.000-08:00

Joining a long list of near-expletive luminaries such as Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, O "papa bear" Reilly and such, Sarah Palin will now get to ~~make up stuff~~ deliver us news from the much-storied Fox News!

Is this "breaking news"?

You betcha! If news wasn't broken before, it sure as hell is one cousin-loving, drug addicted piece of broken work from now on....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Australia - The world's worst nation...

2010-01-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Just today morning I had blogged about the incident were Nitin Garg, an Indian was murdered about a week ago and how the dumb police and politicians in Australia were engaged in a morbid cover up to save their education "industry".

I was randomly checking news right now and here we are again:

1. Man of Indian origin, 29 is set on fire.

2. The stupid Australian cops (quite a redundant phrase at this point) say, well, it is unusual but not racist, given that this is the 3rd Indian to be killed and/or burned in less than 10 days.

3. Julia Gillard, an acting Prime Minister among several other well versed Australian actors and pretenders has of course condemned the violence - and thus has achieved the pinnacle of what her heavily limited intelligence can cough up.

If you are an Indian, and you are in Australia, it is time to pack up and leave matey.

And if my Government is listening - how about recalling diplomats and canceling those cricket games. Oh, let's add some spice - we will not play cricket with any nation that plays with Australia.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Australians hurt by truthreferences to racism....

2010-01-08T00:52:00.000-08:00

Australia is enraged.

Australia, is really, really enraged.

They are enraged about a KKK poser cartoon in an Indian newspaper I, as an Indian myself don't read.

They are enraged with the fact that simply burning a few of 'em Injuns is suddenly such a big deal.

So is a nice little KFC ad that is offensive to 'em African Americans.

Apparently, the truth or the insinuation of it is too much for them to handle.

Why not?

Australians are as much likely to burn down Indians as the Londoners or those New Yorkers are bound to..

Except, how many Indians have been burned in London since Yule turned it's tide? Or in the past decade.

Of course their argument is that the Indians don't get killed because of racism, it is simply that they are soft targets.

Well, then why worry if the soft targets associate you with KKK?

Their other argument (uh!) is that more Indians die in India than in Australia...ergo, either it doesn't matter, or Indians are more racist to Indians in India than Australians are to Indians in Australia.

Deal with it Australia - you have a race problem. And you are too Australian to even realize that, and definitely immature enough to be unable to deal with it...

Read the following, and weep:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8447465.stm

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Just how important is coffee?

2009-12-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

I call coffee my only vice. It is the one thing I have tried to survive without, and have managed poorly. Uh-oh, have I revealed more than I should?

Turns out, coffee is very, very important. Some guy stops the hero of our story and asks him for cash. Perhaps, our hero wanted the cash to buy some coffee. Anyway, the hapless assailant ends up stabbing the dude.

No problem, he just walks up to an apartment complex looking for someone to call 911. No one there to help him.

Again, no problem.

He uses a pay phone to call the ambulance.

Big Deal. What happened next is the most important thing.

He walked up to a store, calmly asked for some coffee and consumed it. That is the true mark of a hero. And, it sums up pretty well - coffee, my dear, is the most important thing in the world. If you have coffee, you can handle anything...even a big plate stuck in your chest...

The Story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34516926/ns/local_news-detroit_mi/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

I am deeply disappointed over the Indian Congress Government...

2009-12-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Prologue: It is the moral right (and obligation) of politicians to want to fast until death. Some would consider it to be more convenient if they die faster too, but that is altogether another thing...

On December 14, an elected Indian politician landed at a state capital to "fast unto death". Violating his right to do so, and the people's desire that he do so, the nefarious Congress Government arrested the politician, even though he belonged to their own party!

I find this absolutely appalling. We should give all of our politicians such chances to launch fasts. Heck, we should encourage them to do so!

The next time a politician shows up at your doorstep looking for votes, you should ask him considering the fact that he is shamelessly alive, why did he not choose a practically inoculate cause and try and die for it.

You should ask his party if it has a track record of trying to arrest and prevent any of it's rank and file from trying to leave us (in peace).

You should ask political parties what they have done to encourage more and more of their politicians to find causes and become passionate enough to try and kill themselves.

After all, what better sacrifice could one ask for, be it in the name of the country, the name of a state, it's bifurcation, or the fact that almost all politicians are summarily useless and will never be missed...?

Here is a link to the story that delineates what sad future lies for those of us who expect politicians to jump off cliffs:

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics/nation/Andhra-MP-Rajagopal-arrested-at-Hyderabad-airport/articleshow/5335339.cms

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Bank of America or Scoundrels of America?

2009-12-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

As per "blogosphere" norms, I am late with this post, but it is something worth posting, nevertheless. The whole point of bailing out these banks should have been to discipline them, and prevent them from stealing public money through "special fees", right?

Then how come every single one of them gets away with it? Why are they constantly allowed to increase interest rates (I know the law limiting credit card rates was passed but before it went into effect, they sent letters to many customers and increased their interest rates).

So, the government bailed the banks out and pushed taxpayers into the well..

Isn't that cute? Now, here is another YouTube video of the inner workings of "Bank" of America:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5E0WNO7e_Q&feature=player_embedded#watch-main-area

Next time your Congressman or Congresswoman (especially the Republican kind that don't want any kind of regulation) knocks on your door for votes, ask them about this video...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Los Angeles - where the church is truly separate from the state, and, of course ahead of it...

2009-12-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the fine idiots from Utah, California turned from blue chip to dead wood in 2008 with Proposition 8. Now, California is NOT one of the states where people can simply marry without Jesus, Dad and their hoodlums breathing down their necks.

So from bragging about the Californication of America, we now have to worry about the Utahfornication of California.

Usually, when we lament about the church and state being joined at the hips, we talk about the church holding back the state.

Only, today, history was made in Los Angeles when a lesbian, the Rev. Canon Mary D. Glasspool became the Bishop.

So, we are once again proud to present sunny, weird, California, where at least one of the churches is practicing tolerance instead of funding garbage. One of our churches has separated from the state, and has actually moved on!

What does your church do? Hide pedophilism and theorizes that god hates gays and wants you to donate money to interfere in California's social life?

Proud of it?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

In this FOX News "mens-duh" puzzle, Republicans have a 193% chance of winning in 2012...

2009-12-01T06:28:00.000-08:00

It has begun. It being the 2012 campaign. Looks like it has also ended quickly, because between Huckabee, Palin and Romney, they have a 193% chance of winning.

Before you go questioning things, you should visit a page that I have linked at the bottom of this post to make sure you painfully read through all this before going on to the actually interesting part..

The Omnistupid Fox News, in it's infinite GOP-dom, played a pie chart, showing that 60% of Republicans back Romney, 63% Huckabee and 70% Palin.

The Source?

Er, Opinions.

Hey, it's all there - a nice little pie chart, showing how much support each candidate has. Still confused? Well, time to vote republican, er, time to get an explanation.

In the traditional world of left leaning, tree climbing... , a pie chart ends up adding to a total of 100% and the individual components cannot have a percentage that forces the pie chart to add to a sum total greater than 100%.

Basic Math - A Liberal Conspiracy

Of course, Fox News is the only right news. All this pie chart brouhaha proves is that mathematics is another one of those bottom feeding liberal policies they teach in schools to try and pollute our children's minds.

Wait till someone hacks into a math professor's emails and proves that all math is, is a bunch of tricks.....

In reality, it proves that if you took the collective intelligence of everyone working for Rupert Murdoch, and expressed them as percentages, they will amount to less than a sum total of 100% - one brain.

And that, is where all the money and media power rests.

Enjoy:

http://www.vizworld.com/2009/11/dreadful-fox-news-2012-election-infographic/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dreadful-fox-news-2012-election-infographic

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in this week's "Aaaawww" then "Snap!" moment...

2009-11-24T16:33:00.000-08:00

Thieving is not for the faint of heart, nor for the kind at heart. Our friendly, neighborhood burglar-man breaks into a house and starts stealing and "ransacking" stuff in his traditional manner of lore.

Turns out there was a baby in the house. While he decided to warm up a bottle and feed the crying baby (makes thou wonderest what the hell the parents were doing while all this went on), some equally handsomely employed person watched the surveillance video on a newscast?!!

What the devil was a newscast doing, showing a surveillance video?

Don't ask. This has now gone past the Marishka Hargitay, Jennifer Love Hewitt Territory into the Twilight Zone.

Why did the burglar decide to feed the baby? Was it compassion? Or a way to keep the burglary free of purple haze?

Why do people in Indiana get surveillance videos as newscasts?

Oh well....like I said, "Aaaawww" and "Snap!"

For the article: Click Here

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Poisoned at Harvard

2009-10-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

This falls out of the realm of "funny" news items.

I was a little surprised to read on the NPR website yesterday, about a few folks being poisoned by coffee laced with Sodium Azide, a toxic chemical used in bio-lab work. What was intriguing was that this news item appeared in NPR and NPR only.

I was telling a friend as to how intriguing this was. Later, I found out that there was an attempt by Harvard to keep this under wrap for whatever reason.

Anyway, Slate and others are now taking it mainstream:

http://slatest.slate.com/id/2233658/?wpisrc=newsletter

I am betting this is one of those animal-loving terrorist groups at work...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

What your useless article on what your car says about you, says about you....

2009-10-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Writing has become so easy. You can take anything, however unrealistic, useless or off the mark and publish it.

Today morning, a stellar example landed on my laptop via Forbes.com. Apparently, the car you drive says a lot about you..

Remember the crap from the '60s (or the East Coast) when people believed in such nonsense?

Well, it's on it's way back because someone at forbes.com (the Fox TV of the internet?) has too much time and nothing sensible to write.

I will link the article at the bottom and you can laugh at this creepy nonsense yourself, but people should be buying cars for what they are - functional tools of transportation.

Apparently owning a Ford Taurus would group me among people who do not have a college degree or skills to surf the interwebs - the collection of tubes through which electricities flows and forbes.commode is able to send it's trash my way.

Yeah, right. I have 3 college degrees, an array of Professional certifications and that's only because I stopped collecting degrees. And, with equally too much time on my hands, mesa always surfs the websites.

Owning a Honda makes you practical?

How?

Unless you work for Honda, the company, or own stock in it, why the heck would it be any better than owning, say a Buick or a Toyota Corolla?

Mind you though, it is not just the genius who wrote the article that got it all wrong:

Anyone watch the Subaru ads on TV lately?

It says the Subaru is for people who don't wash their cars from being unclean or stupid, or simply because they like other men who own Subarus. A new one popped up where the guy who owns the Subaru is a complete idiot who simply goes around looking for things he misplaces.

Positive impact indeed. I wonder if advertising is the right industry for me. Then I too can siphon tons of cash from organizations and portray their products in a poor light. And as long as there are fools that read ignominious articles and buy crap...

Stereotyping People

First, we differentiate people on their skin color. Then on their height. Then on their cankles. And then there was the "study" that talked about the "member" size of Indians (yeah, right, small is good...look we have what 1.1 billion Indians?).

Stupidity comes in several shades. And some people just egg this along.

Imagine this, someone drives up to you on a Chevy truck. You immediately decide he is stupid and you treat him thus.

What does that make you? Homo sapiens disgustus?

Stop judging people until you get to know them. It is impossible not to judge people. Pragmatically, it is necessary to judge people. However, the underlying mechanism is very, very important.

So should I have judged this Forbes writer?

Click Here to find out about how to use cars to judge people...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

In this week's "what the": Maybe he thought it was a "bear cooler"?

2009-10-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

A 125 pound bear is not formidable, right?

Yeah, maybe, but if he walks into a store and climbs into a "beer cooler", you are formidable-ed....

Hmm, what I wonder is, if this is one of those bears who didn't graduate high school.. he thought he was a "beer" or that the thing he climbed into was a "bear cooler".

To understand this mystery, go to:
http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/64674327.html

And a "slide show" from the store's camera:
http://www.jsonline.com/multimedia/photos/64678767.html?index=1

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

This week's discrimination chronicles: Don't give your fat inter-racial kid that Barbie doll...it will affect her body self-image

2009-10-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

Pre-Script: If you don't get sarcasm and cynicism, the following is not for you

Barbie ('s ankle) is fat...

I didn't say that...it is the French guy who thinks Barbie has fat ankles did.

And those fat ankles are called "cankles". It is not everyday that I add to my vocabulary. Heck, I am happy if it happens once a week (or was that weak?). The last time I added to my vocabulary was when someone said "Don't be disrespecting me now."

For those of you who did not get the last sentence and it's apparent error - God is shining shame on you (this copied from a crazy nut job I saw judging a dance contest with unemployable high-school dropouts contorting themselves on those fleeting moments when I was flipping through MTV). "Disrespecting" as a verb is at least as of now, not really relished in formal English.

Screw the English.

But wait, we digress, screw z French.

There is some French guy who is redesigning the Barbie doll. Talk about the jobs going to other countries...(I wonder where they are designing the new GI Joe! My wonder is mostly academic, mind you!)

And this fool decided that Barbie's ankles are a little too fat for his taste. And he is redesigning the doll to have, I am guessing "appropriate" ankles.

This genius is making Gov. Corzine (of the Christie threw his weight around fame) of New Jersey look like the tooth fairy.

Like I said, just don't get your fat kid the Barbie doll. Get her a computer instead. Let the French raise bulimic women....

Click here for that story

And yeah, and tell her she can't get a marriage license if she wants to marry a black man in Louisiana.

Here is that story

Shut up and listen to him. Think of what will happened to those half-race kids these couples would raise! He has a lot of "black" friends who come in from the plantations and he buys them beer...

Welcome to the 21st century where we have solved America's racist problems....!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Man sleeps through fire, will try nuclear explosion next...

2009-10-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Talk about a sound sleeper. This guy was asleep (someone should check if he was conscious though, all jokes aside) through a fire that led his house to burn down and collapse partially!

I mean, was he thinking he was in a bad dream? You gotta be really, really lucky!

And the story says he "woke up". I wonder if he had to be woken up.

I have a couple of career suggestions for him:

1. Don't apply for bank security jobs.

2. Try to get elected - any public office will do. And go Republican...er, did I say that one out loud?

Click Here for the official story

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in today's "What the..." edition:

2009-10-15T10:08:00.003-07:00

What has the world come to? Some woman with intellectual issues walks into a coat shop and says she just won the lottery and is going to pay for everyone who buys a coat at that shop.

Alright, she is nuts, magoo, mango, off the rock, has loose screws...so on, you might say (I would say, it is possible she is a politician?).

What the hell is wrong with all the idiots who believed this woman and crowded the store?

The sad part is, they only arrested the woman. What about all the idiots? Aren't they also of no sound mind?

Enjoy today's what the...

Click Here

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in today's "What the...

2009-10-15T10:08:00.001-07:00

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Can we at least separate the church from the bras (and the Catholic priests from the k..)

2009-09-21T11:22:00.001-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Cancer is a big deal. Breast cancer is worse. Why?

For one, we don't have a cure for it, heck, we don't even catch it on time.

So, we need people to be aware of the disease and it's seriousness.

On that note, a tiny radio station decided to dangle bras off a street in some random city.

Enter the Catholic School Principal, their motto being: "Do as we tell you, our priests of course are exempted".

Is it not enough that Roman Catholics actually do not want patients to get treated for cancer?

Apparently, this Principal claimed that "children should not see undergarments". Excuse me? Don't we want them to wear some so that they don't catch diseases or ~~priests of a certain religious following~~, er, certain diseases don't catch them?

So don't kids already know about undergarments? And isn't most of our perversion achieved through the sexification of items, rather than the items themselves?

So, we are extremely unsuccessful from getting the Catholic Church's teeth off Presidencies (Obama wasted public money visiting the Pope), or Supreme Courts (which is overflowing with Catholics).

And now we can't separate the damn (yes, I said it) church from Cancer or it's priests and Principals from our kids....

Please: Lead, Follow, or get the hell out of the way...

For more on this 21st century re-enactment of the 14th century stranglehold that Catholic Priests and Principals have on America and the rest of the world:

http://www.ketv.com/cnn-news/20992916/detail.html

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

And this week's "Idiots we bailed out" winner is...Bank of America

2009-09-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

So, there is this man who does not have arms, apparently due to a birth defect walks into Bank of America and wishes to cash a check made out to his wife. Bank of America ABSOLUTELY needs a thumbprint from you. Your disabilities? Your own problem! Don't you get it? What, are you slow?

Anyway, read the despicable account here:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/07/armless_bloke/

I guess their new and bailed out motto is: Bank of America - where the handless and other invalids are not allowed.

Of course, the progressive tax payers should be pleased at the turn of events.

Before you scream "WHAT!", let me explain.

See, bucking the trends from states like Texas, Bank of America now believes in EVOLUTION - survival of the fittest. Of what good is cash to a man without hands and can't spend the cash anyway? Why should the bank oblige and waste time?

Call it cost cutting, if you will!

It's just like when the monkeys won't pick up their babies if they fall down. It is just too much to take care of a monkey with a broken back. Awfully cute, but what's the point?

Of course, if he had only opened an account with BofA, everything would have been well. Some people just don't get it.

(A serious side note - Darwin, the father of evolution was not right in presuming "survival of the fittest".)

Hmm, wonder if Bank of America will adopt more such changes, just to help us with nostalgia - such as "Bank of America, W****s Only".

And here I was, thinking my bank, Wells Fargo was the Devil's sole spawn...

Why?

Read about that tragedy here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/04/business/economy/04wells.html?hpw

Angered? Bank of America Customer? Call them and ask them about their policies on Americans with Disabilities, and also definitely talk to them about the Florida incident and ask them what specific remedy have they done, other than random balderdash lip service...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Lynn Jenkins - Hello World, Sorry, I am not racist, just an i...

2009-08-27T11:48:00.001-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Somehow, it appears to me that I could be a better Congressman (and no, no trans..gotchas here) than her.

The problem - I can beat KKK, I mean Kansas Congresswoman - just stuttered there. Sorry, I didn't mean to say she belongs to the Klan. Hopefully, the Klan members are understanding and forgive me. Or should Jenkins forgive me?

Maybe we should all buy each other some beers?

To read about the wonder Jenkins is: Click Here

Hey Jenkins, true, Obama might need a bright, white light shined on him (apparently that's what she meant).

How about you?

The good news here is that she has apologized instead of demanding one from us for possibly mis-under-representing her!

Why can't we find a better place to put our societal misfits? Why send them to Congress.

After all, there is Fox News....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Sure, you love their neighbor, but how much?

2009-08-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here comes the benchmark:

Two neighbors live next to each other for 30 years. One of them becomes sick, and the other helps her with car rides to dialysis stints at the Hospital and what not.

Later, she tops it off by donating her kidney as well....

How is that for feel good Monday?

Here is your link:

Click Here

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

America's gift to Indians on their Independence: Humiliation of their public figures at the airports

2009-08-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Alright, Shah Rukh Khan is an entertainer. However, he is also a Muslim.

How can the U.S. Customs pass up this opportunity to show how they are better than India at handling religious minorities?

They detained him for 66 minutes (wonder what idiot was sitting around counting that).

However, what was more humiliating was when they did a personal padding on the most honored living Indian Abdul Kalam when he was about to board a flight to India.

Okay, genius (hey, I am not looking to be detained at an airport, so you should replace this with EXACTLY what I would like to say, after all, I am not even famous) is probably the personal property of the DHS, TSA and other Federal Agencies that know how to "Win Friends and ~~Insult well meaning Indians~~ Influence People"..

However, can someone please explain why India's movie stars are on TSA's list?

And as a taxpayer in the US, can I seek out a reason as to why TSA'S list of people to stop, bother and humiliate is so, so to speak, "listless"?

I am just thanking Jesus' Dad that Gandhi is not alive today to be detained by the TSA...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Bing Vs. Apple Vs. Google

2009-08-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, the internet is full of idiots. Rupert Murdoch wants to charge for all his online content. These two statements may or may not be related.

But, the ~~hero~~ idiot of our blog posting here went to Bing and searched for "Why are Windows Expensive?".

Then he complains that it comes up with "Why are Macs so expensive".

For one, it is a great way to force people to actually search on Bing!

Now for the twenty questions

Maybe because "Windows" is a family of products?

Maybe because Windows is not expensive? (Alright, that was self-contradictory. Like that is news).

Maybe because Macs are expensive?

What happens if you go to Google and type: "Why is Google so expensive"?

It proves you are an ignoramus.

Okay, offending your own readers != good for blog stats

charging your readers = ?

Anyway, as a way to castigate myself:

http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en&sourceid=navclient-ff&rlz=1B3GGGL_enUS317US318&ie=UTF-8#rlz=1B3GGGL_enUS317US318&hl=en&q=Why+is+Google+so+expensive%3F&aq=f&oq=&aqi=&fp=-NOfmsAwees

Alright, now go forth and multiply (your searches that is..)

On the Bing o' Rama:

http://advice.cio.com/shane_oneill/bing_search_tainted_by_pro_microsoft_results?commentpage=1#commentslink

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

With apple, where there is smoke there is a flame(-ing iPod?)

2009-08-03T12:35:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Alright, this should only be the stuff of science fiction or stupid fiction, I don't know. You know, the story of a company gone mad?

Apple's legal team needs a vacation to reality (not away from it).

When you threaten people unreasonably, they will respond - only in the total opposite way of what you want.

I guess you would agree after reading the story, "Apple doesn't believe in first amendments" is a better title. Ever heard of a company with worse PR getting away with more?

Here is the rest of the story:

http://www.infoworld.com/d/mac/apple-accused-hushing-exploding-ipod-touch-claims-002?source=IFWNLE_nlt_wrapup_2009-08-03

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

CNET.com now to become CheapNet.com

2009-08-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Getting attention is the dream for most bloggers, present company not being an exception. It is also the dream for the magazines that talk about Alien abductions and homosexual Presidents who hide their birth certificates.

One would hope that the difference between ~~Fox News~~ such magazines and good bloggers or journalists is that the latter would be "on the up and up".

Cnet.com apparently does not want to belong there. This afternoon, while lunching lazily, I was stalking Google News as usual, and there was a nice shiny red ball, I mean, an article/blog on how "Apple messes with your life". Naturally, I was lured, literally seduced, drawn in, charged, captivated...well you get the idea (hopefully, or put down the pipe).

And I read through an entire article feeling like I was still high from close contact with some much needed dish-washer fluid action. And then, I skimmed over to the comments section, only to be comforted that there were more who had been cheated by this timeshare salesman of the internet.

The blog/article is an inexorably bad exercise in cheap "hit-mongering". Throw in Apple and the iPhone and any idiot will read the story- except the internet is also the home for it's own infamous, instantaneous lynch mobs! So Chris Matyszczyk, the guy who wrote this brazen piece learns something about journalism.

Flimsy stories about iPhone-toting knuckleheads roaming the bars of Silicon Valley - describes about 95% of the people living in the Mar del Silicon, and there is absolutely nothing interesting about bringing out the fact that they spent most of their lives in close contacts with computers and as a consequence "lost it".

Hmm, hey did you hear Palin may be divorcing! See what reading CheapNet.com has made of me?

Reference:

Well, if I linked to this ill-famed blog posting I write about, I would be contradicting myself by giving it more hits..! Lol.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Game On! : My Blog Vs. The Onion

2009-07-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Alright I was just joking about my last post being better the Onion. Now, you get to decide for yourself:

Gojilla: http://ysrihari.blogspot.com/2009/07/apple-admits-iphone-is-national.html

King Kong: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_claims_new_iphone_only?utm_source=a-section

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Apple Admits: iPhone is a national security threat

2009-07-30T13:02:00.001-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

In a shocking revelation, Apple has admitted that it has been creating weapons of ass destruction. Fearing that the DHS might already have too much on it's hands, and still wanting to let the Government know of it's acts, Apple decided to contact some government agency - ideally one that does not fully understand national security, has no means of handling national security but has the serendipitous nature of having too much time on it's hands - The Copyright Office.

In it's admission, Apple laid out the following:

1. The iPhone takes advantage of ~~vicarious murderers~~ customers with too much money on their hands and prevents Vegas' economy from benefiting through these guys.

2. It is possible for someone to collect a lot of iPhones in a bag, climb a tall building and launch it at unsuspecting passers-by on the streets below. Given the number of stray iPhones that can be collected and launched thusly, the statistical repercussions are simply alarming!

3. Since Apple has perfected the art of seducing greedy ~~idiots~~ (I mean, they mean, oh well...) customers into waiting unnecessarily for white bricks, it is quite possible that extra-ordinary as they are, the potential customers might take up arms against Apple..

4. Other possibilities exist, but in view of national security concerns, Apple decided to not disclose these to anyone except the relevant Federal Agency - the Copyright Office.

Solution Announced

In view of these extenuating circumstances and cognizant, measurable threats to national security, Apple views it as imperative that every customer who ever buys Apple products subject themselves to the personal scrutiny of Steve Jobs.

In a magnanimous gesture to the American populace (this national security threat does not extend to Europe whose Copyright offices, also with nothing better to do remain unaware of such revelations from Apple), Steve Jobs has agreed to approve every app, every Craigslist personals postings and every naked self-portrait generated by their customers to make sure that they don't contain anything objectionable to our security.

The Obama Administration Weighs In

Considering the gravity of the threat from iPhones, the Obama Administration is said to have launched a full blown search for the right person to buy free beers to diffuse the situation.

Please forward this important national security message to everyone you may know, or not know!

Reference: http://reviews.cnet.com/8301-19512_7-10298646-233.html?tag=nl.e703

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Yamanoor Srihari's quotes for the day: 07-29-2009

2009-07-29T16:50:00.001-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

1. Violate someone's constitutional rights and have a free beer on taxpayer money!

2.When marijuana was legalized in California, a lot of us were shocked, left asking, "Wait, what! So, it was illegal before? ...Dude, I must be so high right now!"

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Florida's Heuristic Criminal Scene!

2009-07-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

You gotta read about this guy who decided the best way to take off with a lot of cash was to be proverbial - lock, stock and barrel - in this case of course, no guns involved, just the entire cash register.

So, the Florida Police, in an incredible display of crime fighting ability caught him running down the street with the maligned cash register.

Here is where the problem begins:

The thief had stolen some lottery tickets just, on the yester day. And apparently these serendipitous crime-fighters had also just stepped out of viewing a video from another store where this philanderer had been on his now much hackneyed shenanigans. I wonder how he got off with the loot in that instance?

At this hair raising pace, I predict the following is bound to happen:

Florida's thieves might start understanding crime commission better, and slowly but surely grasp concepts such as thieving infrequently and with geographical choas for best results.

Florida's crime fighters will understand that thieves tend to be creatures of habit, and with a certain alacrity, thieves can be caught if videos of theft are viewed rather quickly than with gaps of an entire day in-between the plunder and the investigation.

The real question is:

Who do you think will get ahead over time?

And therein lies the beauty of an evolving heurestic crime scene

Following this axiom, I also postulate, given the nature of this evolution, a state like the one found in Florida could not, but have been created by a sub-intelligent "God"-like creature.

Eat that, Biologists!

For further s*its and giggles:

Click Here!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

What can Douglas Adams teach us about life?

2009-07-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

I have been told many times that I live in my own world. This is true. And in my own world, sometimes mistakes are made. One of them, was the fact that I had kept one or two copies (I am crazy about books and don't even know how many + how many copies of those many I have) of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and always thought it was probably an astronomy book I should read.

Hey don't blame me. Alright, maybe you should. But I also thought that Michael Jackson was indeed White for a whole while too..Naivete as the Francois put it.

Coming back to Douglas Adams, I went nuts when I first found out about "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". This again, of course, involved my own assumptions of what he meant by the "end" and the consequential revelation almost a month later - yes, I savored every line of the book.

Yesterday or day before, I found this link and I thought I will share this with you:

http://www.questforbalance.com/2009/07/22/douglas-adams-guru/

I don't know about "Guru" - the idea of cowering to others of my own species gives me the creeps, but I sure do love Douglas Adams! By the time I found him and his writings, he has long passed.

However, Douglas Adams was never about sobering moments, so if you have not found him yet, I hope you do - through his writings of course!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

PG 17: Here's your "stimulus" plan - Lou Dobbs, a dumb nut or a fiduciary and copulatory clairvoyant?

2009-07-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

You might wonder what this strange title alludes to. And if so, you need to read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/will-menaker/lou-dobbs-demands-to-see_b_243733.html

Apparently, Lou Dobbs is certain that Obama is faking his birth certificate. See, this actually is correct. Sargent Crowley was also right:

1. Just because a black man has an ID, doesn't mean he is actually a Harvard Professor.

2. Just because a black man has a birth certificate, doesn't mean he is an American Citizen either.

Naturally, we need to satisfy (oh God) Lou Dobb's curiosity by going back in time and videographing both the conception and the following delivery of Obama.

So, this is The Lou Dobb's Stimulus Plan:

1. Set off a race similar to the race to the moon for the invention of the time machine that will prove Obama's citizenship.

2. Create a great stimulus in the video recording, storage and playback industry to keep up with "Where American Babies Come From" Act.

I feel sorry for not ever doubting our beloved Bush as being the *est person I have known...

Enjoy!

On a more serious note, this plastic-smeller of the West is actually hosting a show on Obama's birth tonight: http://loudobbs.tv.cnn.com/

Foot Note: Thanks to Sriram Sarma for bringing Lou Dobbs into my world tonight.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Thank You Obama!

2009-07-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Being an African American President is easy. Being a Democrat President is not. Actually being a Democrat President who is outspoken is not!!!

What am I talking about?

The most recent comments by Obama on the Cambridgate issue. I was impatiently waiting for Obama to say something. I guess we must give the man credit, since he must have been really busy.

What I like is the forceful language. Before seeing Obama's opinions, I was going to blog about the insensitive clowns defending Cambridge PD with the title "This is why they have the word idiot in the English language" (although, that's only partially true, because it is also reserved for murderous Apple ~~customers~~).

You can't be disorderly in your own friggin' house anymore?

So, exactly what the hell are the idiots trying to defend Cambridge PD talking about? The old man was in his own house. He may have refused to show his ID, but he eventually did.

Okay, forget the fact that you are incredibly clay-headed enough to not realize that this is a person who has contributed so much to American Society.

He is a real person!

What blows here is - there was absolutely no reason to arrest him.

And Gates is right - because one officer was stupid enough, Gates is now "a man with a criminal record whose mugshots can be seen online".

Where is the fairness in all this?

Exactly at what cost do we start allowing the police defend our homes?

Are we in China or the United States?

Where does this persecution by suspicion end?

Well, at Obama's doorstep.

And once again, "Thank you, El Presidente".

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Hey Obama, watch out with those White House gates, they might "call in" about you...

2009-07-20T23:51:00.001-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

To all those who thought that racism was over, and it was time to harp about "reverse" racism, here is something to think about. In real life, as in Hogwarts, the magic stops with race and blood.

It is not just disgusting that some woman decided that just because it appeared someone black was trying to break into a house (this woman needs some real help). It is disgusting that police arrived, and despite obviously having found the rather old man (another clue) to be nowhere close to a criminal - arrested him.

Then, and yes, I know, I am repeating stuff you would rather read in a well written, "white" washed (oh, was that a bit mucho?) article, the ~~idiots~~ downtown also did not have the commonsense to apologize and let the man go.

Where they trying to say?

Blacks not welcome here in Cambridge? Or, in our beloved Obama's case, not welcome back?

I don't know about cushy firemen jobs in Connecticut or New Haven, and I do think promoting no one was incredibly stupid and only served to hurt race relations, but we really need action here. I don't think the arresting cop should be fired - his bosses should:

1. They have obviously done a poor job educating their officers on racial and general sensitivity to citizens - I mean come on!

2. They did not intervene and let the poor gentleman go, allowing everyone at the police station believe that it is still A-okay to haul-ass if you can come up with a reason....

And, it proves a point - you may not like Al Sharpton. But he is much needed and I hope he raises some hell at Cambridge.

Maybe a whole bunch of people need to show up at Cambridge and demonstrate that shouting is free speech, especially if you paid the rent or owned the frigging place!

Reference to this misery:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090721/ap_on_re_us/us_harvard_scholar_disorderly

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Ha ha ha ha ha..It happens only in India!

2009-07-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I was sick and sleepless. Between dead ~~pedophiles~~ pop stars, extremely redundantly hyped, yet to be realized Operating systems, Republicans' parents who like to pimp them, Presidents who ignore the economy and tour nuclear reactors in Russia and a 500 email backlog, I thought nary a blog would emerge from me this week...

But here I am.

So what is all this about?

It is about the recession, I mean the correction, I mean the recession that is just a correction (ask le economists, okay!?).

Apparently Air India is so broke that it has decided to over-fill it's capacity in passengers. So, they stuffed three extra passengers - one in the cockpit, and two in foldable seats for crew members! I wonder where the crew members were going to sit.

Luckily, the flight never took off, and the passengers were transported off on another plane. The rest is not funny, but can be found here:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/AI-stuffed-in-3-extra-persons/articleshow/4760205.cms

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

So what have the republicans been smoking?

2009-06-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

It's not enough that Palin and Limbaugh represent the future face of the Party. The Republicans want to take it much further:

One of them propositions men at Airport restroom stalls

Another has an affair outside marriage and gets the affaire's Husband a job

One of them flies to Argentina without telling anyone and has an affair or ends an affair or whatever...

And this one, was running around naked:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090627/ap_on_re_us/us_odd_naked_mayor;_ylt=AtW.E1ehoD9.57qLcws.YgvtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJqbTJydjQwBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkwNjI3L3VzX29kZF9uYWtlZF9tYXlvcgRjcG9zAzIEcG9zAzUEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDZm9ybWVybWF5b3Jp

Wonder what is going to happen next...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Here's a yet-to-be 4th grader that is smarter than your average South Carolina Governor...

2009-06-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

So the South Carolina Governor went A.W.O.L. without telling anyone. A fairly inane thing to do and, of course, makes for good, space-filling press fodder. And, I of course have no interest in his whereabouts.

However, look at this kid:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090623/ap_on_re_us/us_utah_boy_found

Upon getting lost, he made himself quite resourceful and made sure he was found as quickly as possible. Two men, separated by age and wisdom. Of course, the wisdom found itself on the wrong side of the stereotypical age!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Stupidity - The new apartment management tool for the recessed economy

2009-06-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

All across the country, apartments and independent houses lay barren. Many, especially in places like Michigan have fallen prey to fire, drug sales and so on. I have started noticing apartments giving away free internet access in some cases, in a bid to try and get people to rent space.

All this doesn't hold a candle to what these idiots in Boulder, Colorado are doing to make sure that people continue to rent space from them.

They are harassing their customers with stupid rules.

In a time-worn tradition of picking on the Grandmas and the weak among us, this particular apartment management company was pissed off, apparently by her Easter Decoration which hung for two weeks beyond what the management thought was an appropriate celebration of Jesus's resurrection.

If you looked close at me, you would find no Jesus freak in me, but come on. This is not a one-off incident. Two years ago, in some condominium complex, some Indian Hindu guy had a religious plant and a flag at the back of his house in Florida, and the idiots who called themselves his neighbors went on a 21st century style lynch mob, suing and terrorizing him.

This is one of the main reasons why I don't like apartments, condos and "communities", and hey if the economy screwed them over, it's not much harm done. The sameness of the houses and the pitiable disugised unemployment of pitiable "Property Managers" to enforce nonsensical laws....

Anyway, I am guessing Grandma still may not win. And that, my dears, is what constitutes irony and general sadness. All one can predict is, that with such actions, companies like AIMCO will continue to taste the fruits of the downturn for a long, long time to come.

Original Article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090621/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_easter_bunny_dispute;_ylt=Au856NsNrn0j0hok5.z76QDtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJzZGk1OW9zBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkwNjIxL3VzX29kZF9lYXN0ZXJfYnVubnlfZGlzcHV0ZQRjcG9zAzEEcG9zAzEEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDd29tYW5zYXlzc2hl

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

The City of Bozeman secedes from Iran rescinds acts of insane inanity

2009-06-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Alright! So, "Global Outrage" works. Like someone posted here on Slashdot:

"What else can we start worldwide backlashes against? They seem to f* work."

Well how about one against Indian Government Hospitals? For details, go here

So, what is all the hue and cry about? If you have not read what I posted here yesterday, ~~you have just been downright mean, uninformed and naughty!~~, based on a stroke of genius, the City of Bozeman decided to capitalize on the unemployment rates of 2009 by demanding that all job applicants stand in the noon sun on one leg and do hops and skips...okay, okay... they decided to require that all applicants submit their Yahoo! Gmail, Facebook, MySpace and other extremely pertinent passwords so that they could judge their applicants' character.

What is the difference you say? (I mean the difference between asking someone to go stand in the sun on one leg and hop/skip..)

Let's just call it the incident. Of course, I leave it up to you to call it the most stupid thing adults could ever do. Just so we are clear, I am not the one calling it, he he.

On some random website whose url was almost all consonants, approximately 6300 people thought Bozeman had been taken over by Bozos, while 45 disagreed promptly and another handful said they couldn't care one way or the other.

Oh come on. I side with the 45 dissident netizens.

After all, which Craigslist Personal Ads you put out there and which ones you respond to will eventually determine how good you are at your job. (It will be if you are a South Carolina Attorney General looking for ~~cheap, borderline-legal~~ publicity).

In any case, the next time I am on my way to Yellowstone, I will stop by Bozeman again. Of course, I will have this big grin...

And it must be party time at Montana's News Station.com (yes, creativity is somehow wanting all over the state, what with all the hitherto-unseen-herewith-unforeseeable page hits:

http://montanasnewsstation.com/Global/story.asp?S=10558291

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

How to take advantage of potential employees in a bad economy, brought to you by Bozeman, MT

2009-06-18T22:06:00.000-07:00

You have to love driving through some of these towns. So, once on my winter trip to the Yellowstone, I actually stayed in this town. So, it's good to know how bad they like to treat people.

What is up with ~~Idiot Station Central, I mean Bozo-town, er,~~ the Government of the City of Bozeman?

They want anyone applying for city jobs to give out their Google, Yahoo!, YouTube, Facebook and other online profile passwords if they want to apply for a job. Of course, this is 2009, right?

What is the harm in taking advantage of the hapless jobless?

Better still, the Government likes to justify it - "No one has withdrawn an application because of this".

Hey, this makes Kamala Harris and her bullies gang of the City of San Francisco (Childs, anyone?) look like angels! And of course, if you ever thought why so many people have such stellar opinions of the Midwest, you know who is behind it.

Of course, the next time I drive to Yellowstone, I wonder if I will want to just drive on by Bozeman without stopping.

Want to throw up? Join me:

http://montanasnewsstation.com/Global/story.asp?S=10551414

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

My Sexperience with Bing...

2009-06-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

Unfortunately, writer's block can go both ways. Sometimes you don't know what to say, and sometimes you don't know when to stop...every minute since I heard about the search for "sex" being closed out by Bing in India(search results go dead and you are gently asked to search for something, or use an actual search engine)....I have only wondered.

Where do we start?

1. Okay who was the low IQ perv who first looked up "sex" on Bing. Keywords boy, keywords...gotta look for the right thing. Alright, I give in. After all most exciting discoveries and inventions were accidental, n'est pas? Maybe he/she (could have been, right?) was looking for some "decision" making help?

2. Our main concern here is - is this really censorship from Microsoft. After all if there are 1 billion of us, then we probably knew how to ...er, even before Google or computers, right? Unless of course, 'em storks have been partial to the future of your software companies and IT support...(and those Bangaloreans Obama would like to not give jobs away to - yeah I split my infinitives, go Bing yourself now!)

3. So, going back to point 2, does Microsoft not want us to know about "it", also known as the birds and the bees, or do they just want fewer Indian babies?

4. It is amazing that while the original genius mentioned in #1 only looked for the three-lettered word, some of the commentators in the article referred below have seen how far Bing has gone with other body parts in India, Singapore, Australia and beyond. Apparently you can look up the "V" word (see, not actually writing the words makes it more exciting right?) but not the "P" word.

I think the V vs. P strategy is really good. After all, if you didn't know how to make what go where you won't try it - kinda like the unfinished Ikea furniture assembly that has been lying around half finished in your garage for six months...

Okay, I gotta admit, if I say anything more, Bing may never let me come up on their ~~puritan, purgatory, Catholic Nun's Almanac~~ decision engine again. So, with my selfish "blog searchability" in mind, I am going to stop...

If you are reading about sex on this blog from India, you know you heard it here, even if not at first, definitely not at Bing!

And now, for your reading "pleasure":
http://thomashawk.com/2009/06/microsoft-doesnt-think-people-in-india-should-be-allowed-to-search-for-the-term-sex.html

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

I'm nuts you say? Well crack this...says world's most litiguous..

2009-05-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/may/23/man-sues-book-over-most-litigious-crown/

You know the Guinness Book of World Records goes looking for trouble across the world. Okay, they go looking for records. Well here is one, piled on itself...

Guy spends so much time suing everyone, they banned him from suing in many places! He has in fact sued so much, they decided they were going to throw him in the record books.

And naturally, in good humor (which I guess is better than mine), he has sued them in retaliation for trying to suggest he sues too much.

I say get him out of prison and give him a job...! He has too much time on his hands. Maybe the US Senate? Or Congress? Or some time with Joe the Plumber so that he can learn how the "shmos" do it without over-doing it!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Marriage - a treatment for Kleptomania...

2009-05-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the following to read original article]

http://bobsutton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/05/an-astounding-intervention-that-stopped-employee-theft.html

Leave it to me to take a well written blog with good intentions and twist the message :)

Anyway, do read the linked article. It talks about how a factory load of workers were stealing stuff from their workplace, more as a machismo deal than to really use the equipment.

Scott Adams can rest easy about his Dilbert jokes involving office stationery. Years ago, on the grapevine somewhere, I heard that companies used to have un-inventoried office stationery so that those who had the intent to steal could steal harmless, cheap stationery and that way, they won't get in harm's way.

Well, in this company/factory, they tried something different. Gary Latham and the company first allowed folks to check out equipment that they would normally be tempted to steal.

Then, they had an "amnesty day" which turned out to be "amnesty days" because people kept bringing back stuff to the sawmill...guess why?

Their wives wanted them out of the houses because they were running out of space!

Gotta enjoy this..!!!

Oh, and if you went to the linked story, you also get to test yourself and find out if you are an arse with a proverbial perforation at the workplace...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

How about some inspiration...

2009-05-20T22:56:00.001-07:00

Phew...finally, I can get near the blog. I am telling you, this mercury retrograde thing must be something...

Anyway, here is a quote from justsell.com 's newsletter:

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished? ”

Rumi (1207–1273)
Persian poet and philosopher

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

According to Reuters, marriage in Maine is not between a man and a women....hmmm

2009-05-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to the article that I am sure will be corrected (since I told them to do it - I am generous that way!):

http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSTRE5455B620090506

I am guessing, if Reuters doesn't "correct" this article, we should assume the Maine legislature and the Governor are extremely unhappy about marriage between man and a woman with multiple personalities (thus she becomes "a women").

And you thought the fact that news agencies were in financial trouble was unfair...

Anywhooo, for your entertainment, here is the image:

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Simon says: I am not an idiot, I am a Canadian an artist....

2009-05-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

[Please click on the link below to read original article]

http://www.publicradio.org/columns/marketplace/scratchpad/2009/05/a_literal_financial_security_b.html

So, you have only $208 left. What would you do with it? Spend it, put it in the bank, invest it, gift your mom....

Or, would you sew them together and call it fart, I mean art....

Like the article says, hopefully he learned the value of money at least AFTER he made a blanket out of it..

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Here's to enforcing your "no returns" policy...

2009-04-29T12:06:00.001-07:00

Here's a link to the incredibly in-expansive article...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090429/ap_on_fe_st/us_customer_punched;_ylt=Ajx5xjVQ4lVBINVsINCEjPjtiBIF

We've all been there, right? Screw Gandhi, the customer is not always right...(just ask Microsoft).

Anyway, having a "no returns" policy is one thing. Enforcing it is another.

And finally it took this 52 year old to show us all how to do it!

God forbid if I ever had to return anything to Radioshack again...!

Okay, when was the last time anyone bought anything at a Radioshack?!

Is that place a museum of "current electronics on sale" or what...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

You shouldn't rob a bank when you are this busy....

2009-04-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to the original article:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30361435/

Happens everyday doesn't it ? (No it doesn't)

Pregnant woman decides to rob bank. Pregnant woman holds up cashier.

Get's call on the phone...and walks off.

Maybe we should have a law "No talking on the cellphone while robbing banks".

I am sure the California legislature can make time for this, in case the woman decides to travel here for her future deeds...!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Want to carelessly allow your factory to blow up? Care not to explain what happened? Love to cover up mistakes using anti-terrorism laws?..,

2009-04-05T09:28:00.001-07:00

[Please click here to read original article]

The Coast Guard can help!

Or it would seem to be the case. The article I have linked up there is right on the dot - never noticed the explosion in the Bayer plant. But there is more than one reason why you or I would not notice such a thing.

What would they be?

Here is the scenario, right? - Plant blows up. Plant explosion kills 2 people. Company explains.

Uh, apparently no. Not only did Bayer get away with it, the Coast Guard is helping them too. Very nicely done. So, one hand the Supreme Court shuts out responsibility using preemption on the part of FDA, so that organizations don't have to answer to the patients they injure or kill. On the other hand, anti-terrorism laws and the Coast Guard of all the people help organizations to shirk the responsibility of answering to the public and the people they killed..

Oh yes, Congress is holding "hearings". Remember the last time "Congress" and the "FDA" got Bayer to back off calling "Aspirin" a "Dietary Supplement"!?

Hmmm, may the groveling in front of Bayer begin. What a lovely lot they must be to invest in. No Government, law, logical or common sense can get to them...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Looking for adventure..? Travel to the wild, wild, west Nebraska!?!*#

2009-03-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Okay, so how do you think most people react to the question:

"You're not doing anything with that old electric chair, are you?"

How would you react if you were running the corrections prison?

How would your travel plans to Nebraska change?

How would you conclude that the true intentions of these town-folks is to allure travelers and not to do away with them?

Only one way to find out....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Digging up the dirt on Darwin - the depths to which some non-believers would sink to... :p

2009-03-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Alright, I am just kidding - again. But to have servants help you with every single act of your day, would just be superb, n'est pas?

And a guy like Darwin who had to study only two hours of math (which would still suck, but hey, maybe he had a servant who did his homework for him) and some other nonsense, rightfully had too much time on his hands.

And that's how he must have come up with all this nonsense about evolution. Sheesh, what can you expect from a guy who had all these servants, had his dad pay for his school and he went shooting with his friends all the time (reminds of you a US President in the recent past?)...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

"I'm flattered people even want to hear me in the first place." - George W. Bush!

2009-03-18T20:45:00.001-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Don't worry about the actual article. Isn't nitpicking what we are supposed to do anyway?

One thing we can deduce about Bush is that he is not big on "truthisms". He is more the "truth" guy. Who else would admit the truth about himself?

That said, many of us on the interwebs are not as flattered as much as flabbergasted!

What kind of people pay $3100 to hear him? In Canada? Some people MUST really miss humor in their life. Thanks to his bibliophilic aspirations to build a library (possibly of coloring books), we can hear more of this jolly old, humorous....

Basically he won't go away. Neither will Cheney.

As the old saint would say "Oh fun!"

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Grassley admits "I never mean what I say"

2009-03-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

When Grassley wants you to kill yourself, he really means it - not apparently. Maybe he thought he was like Cuomo? Giving executives a deadline, trying to see what they would do? But he just said he doesn't mean what he said.

Here is Grassley's itinerary for the reminder of this week:

1. Wednesday - Apologize to Japanese leaders for talking about how they apologize. He did not mean that their apologies were justified.

2. Thursday - Apologize to all businessmen because he wasn't being favorable only to Japanese Businessmen.

3. Friday - Apologize to everyone else, because he didn't mean to be nice only to businessmen in general.

The real problem is, one shudders (as one is) what would Grassley like to tell people on work visas about his views on their duration on this planet. Impressive for a "pro-life" guy.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Of what use is a government that cannot govern? otherwise known as "outrage at AIG bonuses"

2009-03-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

What contract binding? If it had not been your and my tax money there would be no AIG. Here is a new contract Geithner:

Call AIG and tell them if the bonuses are not returned, the people who got the bonuses can leave. Don't we have enough people who would be happy to take up the jobs?

A sign that a government is becoming useless to its own people is when it doesn't even want to think beyond a straight line.

Every problem has a solution - if people thought with real earnest. AIG needs a long overdue house cleaning and perhaps the Obama administration is not up to the task...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Worried that college students are not getting the appropriate job skills? - Here's probably why!

2009-03-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

I am sure you love Star Trek as much as I do (boy was that a terrible thing to confess to). Or, maybe you sit up thinking about Wonder Women and werewolves as much as I do as well.

But how is sitting through a college class discussing your private fetishes going to help you actually learn any skills in engineering, science, stocking, sales or anything useful?

Shouldn't they be firing the idiots who teach such drivel?

Know of a single nation outside the US where such crap would be tolerated?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Is the news that Bartz is re-orging Yahoo! a lie? hmm...

2009-02-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Because if she did unto Yahoo! what she did unto Autodesk before she left....

that would be "more of the same" n'est pas?

Even the God who created us all from each others' backbones 6,000 years ago (and left dino bone trash lying all over) cannot save Yachoo!

Oh, and she gets $19mn for this?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

USA Network - Now approving idiots like David Chang

2009-02-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Talk about a pompous ass. Apparently, he is proud of the fact that he won't serve vegetarians. And hey, if you don't like his food - it means you don't know what you are talking about.

Here are a couple of thoughts:

1. There is no frigging elegance in cooking meat, especially a whole pork's ass.

2. USA Network's character list must be bubbling with idiots.

And here is a bonus thought:

David Chang - you probably suck much more than you think...

[In case you are confused, watch the fool mouth off on USA Network]

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

SC Sheriff to Phelps - we'll let you go. (your 'esticles are fried anyway...)

2009-02-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Southern Justice it is! Now if you or I had been smokin' some, this Sheriff would have miraculously found physical evidence.

Like I once said, the more money you have, the more democracy you have.

News to Lott: No, he is an American Zero. He brought shame on to people who counted on him, and now you are letting go!

For anyone who wants to call me a prude over the whole grass thing:

http://www.newsday.com/news/health/ny-hspot17-nws,0,788749.story

How does that smell? Burned? Smoked?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Why "but Obama told us it is cool to sell pot..." doesn't seem to be working...

2009-02-05T16:55:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Oh, and just to clarify, Obama sold us on hope...not dope!!!!!!!!!

Okay, Obama has had a rough day or two. He suddenly realized that his Democrat brethren not only smoke anything that burns, but also don't pay the taxes they levy on others..(

Oh, in case you thought that was over, the husband of the Labor Secretary Nominee just paid $6,400 in "back" taxes.

Want to infuse cash back into the economy?

Audit the Democrats...

Anyway, we digress.

I am sure though this is a topic that is not easily forgotten.

Who would have thought Obama would be the darling of those who peddle ganja, hashish, dope, smoke, pot, grass....

I am sure he isn't, but hey what is better than punching a guy when he is down?

Okay, listen people - you want to sell marijuana medically?

Well, get mainstream researchers to lobby (oh wait, Obama doesn't like that), beg, express outrage, publish journal articles or do something about it.

If it is medical, it must have proof, right?

Well, then let's get it.

Or, ask the FDA.

They will approve anything - even if it is for s*its and giggles....

Or, wait until 2012. I am sure Palin will approve leases for marijuana fields.....

What? My blog makes very little sense?

Well you know what I have been smoking!

Oh, and anyone else think the Canadian flag leaf looks suspiciously like...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Freedom, Shmeedom - If it worked for Hitler, it will work for network companies, says Europe while playing the harp, as the internet burned...

2009-02-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Viviane Reding is an amazing, fairly balanced ~~idiot~~ EU official?

When Microsoft does something wrong, people like her cry hoarse about monopoly.

When it comes to internet, here is her strategy: "Rather, our goal should be to find ways to allow operators and service providers to respect human rights"

Who else has stomach ache laughing their red little tush off?

It almost makes Obama's cabinet picks or India's reliance on Pakistan to solve the Mumbai crime "mystery" look a little less funny (or alarmingly terrible.., depending on your view point)...

Oh Europe. Just when we thought all you were was flotsam, you come back and entertain us, so well!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Can Mr. Monk be wrong?

2009-02-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

I don't know who else here watches Mr. Monk. The show on USA has become a mainstay with me for the lovable character of a guy who pines for his dead wife and solves mysteries in an "In-Your-Face-Sherlock" fashion.

He is also an obsessive compulsive neat freak.

And, he has got a problem:

In the Super bowl style football episode, Mr. Monk in his usual summation goes "He sold the Xeroxed copy..."

It's elementary My Dear Watson (with who, I sherlock am gayly in love with...):

Xeroxed may be okay for colloquial expression. It may be okay for low quality dictionaries that are chomping to add more words to their gamut, qualified or not.

It would not be okay for Adrian Monk - the man who can simply look at the picture of a ring and find a dead body.

Hmm, oh well, when have we associated TV writers with the superior intelligence, anyway?

I sent feedback to the USA Network. Want to bet we will ever hear back?

Mr. Monk may be a legend in San Francisco. But on TV, he is making some bad, uncharacteristic mistakes...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

God, or his agent is now talking to YOU on YouTube!

2009-01-19T11:11:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

It's official!

What our friendly, neighborhood ~~convicted felon~~ Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens said seems to have caught the Pope's attention! He has realized that the interwebs are a bunch of tubes connected to each other, and YouTubes is one of them through which you can post funny moving pictures of yourself slipping on a banana peel with a white robe on, and so on....

The ~~Big, Fat, White Priest~~ Pope will now beam his dissatisfaction over your extra conjugal indulgence, your propensity to use "protection", your attitude towards divorce, embryonic stem cells and what it means to be alive (it's totally okay to die in unnecessary wars when you were 18, as long as you are delivered once conceived, bastard child or not..) over YouTube!!!

Hmm, I had a Bill Maher moment out there (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0815241/)

Well anyway, I think I am the last person (other than all the homeless, impoverished people) to get on the YouTubes.

As long as Ze Pope doesn't try to post cartoons explaining the differences between Islam and Christianity, he should be A-okay!

One more thing Pope, no DRM music in the background. You don't want to piss off the RIAA. They will send takedown notices and settlement lawsuits to a one "John Doe", 1 Vatican Circle, Vatican City, Europe.....

In other issues that seems to be pissing people off (call it my diversion tactic):

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE50F5DJ20090116

God's mom did not have a bust. You cannot compare her to your friend's mom who used to come pick you up after soccer games...

You think I am going straight to hell?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Britain: Now wagging it's insignificantly small pen* in a South Asian near you - one more time

2009-01-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

I was traveling the Thanksgiving Weekend when Bombay was attacked. Returning from the trip, my biggest shock was that Pakistan was not back to the stone ages where it belonged.

Thanks to my 1.08 billion brethren whose solution to every problem seems to be making more babies and calling it a "cold start", Pakistan will continue to be a gangrene of our modern times.

Look at Israel? Humanitarian Crisis, my pink tushy. If we don't fight evil with effective war, we will never have a solution.

And, after all, India's problem is different. We didn't occupy Pakistan. We gave them the Capital F*ing right to exist.

Talking to several of my co-habituating Indian citizens, I found out that we were still very interested in empty mouthing.

And all this crap about "Western Allies". India doesn't have any allies.

And now Britain. Can somebody ask the Island nation to shut up? They are the reason this mess exists.

Idiots.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Incredibly stupid, horny idiots on LinkedIn are now called "unsuspecting users"

2009-01-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

2009 is here. And it is the year where we will support all forms of imbecility by putting nice names on them. It is part of a new global resolution to devolve rather than evolve by allowing the horny and criminal among us to be proud of their doubts.

This follows the trend from 2008 when Obama Rick Warrenized America. Now he is after appointing the extremely jolly and geriatric folks who should rather be dressed up as Santa Claus to lead CIA and such...

In any case, read the article. Let's say you are on LinkedIn. You see the profile of a person in their birthday attire displaying phallic or other enticing morphologies...

Here are a few questions:

Would you click on the profile or move on?

Why are you on LinkedIn in the first place?

How long have you been living in a cave to realize that a nude picture on the internet can almost never lead to a happy conclusion, at least when you see them on legit websites?

So, idiots who click on these profiles are not "exploited". iFrames or not, they are reaping what they sow.

So why are we not writing articles titled "LinkedIn infested by horny sobs who click on nude profiles" ?

Because this is 2009.

Stupidity is in.

Commonsense was buried the century before last.

Let's give everyone a sticker for showing up!!!

Oh, and Happy New Year!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Change how I preypray? Separate Church from what? Well, Separate "this" says our friendly, neighborhood Warren....

2008-12-30T22:23:00.001-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Cynicism is an amazing tool. When you learn very, very early in life that people never mean what they say (hear that Jesus?), you settle well into reality.

But, if you have been polluting your backyard with golf courses while driving a Subaru or Prius (or both, which makes you the perfect fluff cake) and telling the rest of the world how it should be, you probably get blindsided by people like Obama.

I was somewhere in between myself. On November 4, I let my guard down. Well, thank you Jesus!

What is amazing is the fact that it took George Bush 8 years to do to what Obama and Rick Warren are going to achieve in the span of a few minutes (or seconds).

No wonder YOU are not the Person of the Year...

Of late, what respected constitution have you tried to dissolve in a few minutes?

How many of the people who trusted you have you let down in a jiffy by using platitudes to defend yourself?

Meanwhile, in another part of the world, the Palins are now grandparents.

We live among a breed of role models indeed!!!

Yes, January 20, 2009 is the end of an error.

It is also the day you realize you are very, very, very error prone. After all you are human aren't ya?

Don't trust me? Good, wait around for no actions on abortion, human rights, gay rights and a host of Lincolnian platitudes served up as excuses.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Run, don't walk - here come the useless lists of what was and what will be...

2008-12-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Every year, we have a breed of lists that are fomented in the dark back alleys of the interwebs. What is the point? Most of them are incredibly useless.

So, I have decided to one up as an act of revenge - I am collating a useless list of lists.

Here is the first one:

http://www.infoworld.com/article/08/12/23/10_things_that_wont_survive_the_recession_1.html

And no, this year, YOU are not the person of the year. That, is, sooooo last year....

Watch this space for more sarcasm, cynicism, foul language, ancestral mis-references and other wonders of the English language snidely attributed to the creators, actors and readers of such lists....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

And, in today's incredibly fake, useless and mind-numbing "research" news....

2008-12-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

[Please click on title to read original article]

Read the article and weep gently. A bunch of idiots, not named in this article have spent their time "researching" into whether or not Charles Dickens was "accurate" in representing Oliver Twist and his desire to ask for "more" in his fictitious work Oliver Twist.

Following this highly applaud-worthy research, they are now going to Middle Earth to spew more random, crappy garbage about the inane fool who wrote The Lord of The ~~Trash~~ Rings crap.....

Meanwhile the ~~fraud~~, no, IgNobel committee will come back after its investigations into fraud, bigotry, bribery and other crimes of wonder to award these great researchers who pounded Charles Dicken's miserable failure to write "accurate" fiction...

Makes you want to pull yer hairs, don't it?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.