Yahoo! means "loud mouth" - literally, company CEO proves

Yahoo! is one hell of a meandering giant that has no reason to exist and yet, it continues to do so. And when it comes to the choice of their CEOs, while you would say that logic dictates that they "never get it right", from an entertainment stand point of view, they make the best choices!

Apparently, the BBC has taken to interviewing completely ineffective CEOs from the technology world. You would think that these people would look themselves in the mirror hanging in the BBC restroom, and tell themselves, "It's only a few minutes, just keep it simple and don't do anything stupid. This way Steve Job's childish tantrums will be mostly what gets covered."

Hmm, well, I don't know if there are no mirrors in the restrooms at BBC or not, or what new plastics worth smoking have emerged, but Yahoo!'s CEO Bartz felt compelled to sit down and talk about, er, Google's problems. Yes, you heard me right - I ain't the one smokin' stuff baby. What with all the crazies around us, why bother..

Why not, right?

You may be surprised and ask why Yahoo!'s CEO would dare speak about Google. I defy you sir, indeed, I dare you - why not?

Look at it this way. If you have been the CEO of Autodesk and have done a cool job of running the organization to the ground, your next stop would be to exercise these muscles would be Yahoo!, right?

That must have been the logic, when Yahoo! chose to replace the wizard of Silicon Valley, Jerry Yang ("WHAT", you say, have you been reading the news, I ask) with Bartz.

Actually, when Yahoo! went begging for people to take the job, word on the street is - not even the marginally bad ones wanted it.

After Jerry Yang's success at keeping Microsoft at bay, at the cost of all those grannies' pensions, of course, Bartz can take Yahoo! DOWN a new path.

If there was any reason for her to hold back on the "advice giving brouhaha", the fact that she has become one of the highest paid CEOs (yes, that's right, pay for "performance" be damned to hell and back), she has no fear.

Apparently, Google is only famous for search. Now Google is just as evil as everyone out there and needs no defending. Plus, it makes truck loads of money advertising on all the free tools I use.

Yet, you've got to be so disconnected from reality to be talking about Google's "problems". First of all, they are all oh so phantom...secondly, lady, just do something, anything to shore up Yahoo!

All that increase in revenue? Yeah, that's from the fall in revenue.

When was the last time anyone used Yahoo! for search? Or Bing? 50% of the business my pink tushy! Apparently, search is 50% of Yahoo!'s business. And the other 50%?

I know Sarah Palin used Yahoo! Mail for official state business and got someone else convicted, but other than that....

The next step?

It is obvious isn't it? In California, we have a tradition. If you have managed to turn your company's stock price into pulp, then you have two directions to go down:

1. The U.S. Senate - just look at the aspirations of Carly Fiona!

2. California's Governorship - Ah, to imagine that Meg Whitman wishes to do to California what she did to eBay....and one sits here thinking how could thinks get worse in CA?

Why not, right? If Yahoo! can give you bags of money ($47 million to be precise) for a year's worth of predicting Google's problems, I really have nothing more to say. The jaws stopped drawing long ago...

One thing is certain. At a minimum, this has reminded us Yahoo! still exists...

References:

If you want to read about all this nonsense:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/195366/tech_irony_yahoo_ceo_says_google_needs_help.html?tk=nl_dnx_h_crawl

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/bartz_bags_payday_z8WWdvFOraMpnihHTeN68M

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Sex, Scandal, Computers and Illicit Matchmaking - Why Microsoft and Yahoo! are perfect for each other and other lores..

Ah! What a week.

We began with a Christian crusader on the interwebs who tried to take down a match-making website for "married folks" (so that they can date someone else, mind you). It turns out, he has accidentally turned into a crusader FOR the website, giving it good marketing and visibility!

Isn't that a holy mackerel for you!

The story is here (but there's more, so come on back now):

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/26/facebook_campaign/

Talk about your niche business! After all, the match-making beeswax is crowded and you have to "differentiate" right?

Now, now, if you found your significant other lurking there, don't go on killing this messenger.

Word of advice though: If they say, they were there to check if you were there, you might want to....

Well, what is this Microsoft thing?

You know with all the Google and Apple jazz, Microsoft obviously felt that it was facing stiff competition. Now, others may cringe, but they know what to do!

So, when the going got tough in Israel, they purportedly took their resellers on a cruise and offered them sex workers! Obviously, this is a loose interpretation of "let us make this happen, one way or the other". (The pope might want to take a leaf out of this book, but he comes a little later).

And thus, we have a "world's oldest profession" meets "technology" show!

Of course, EIN, the reseller in question claims that it refused to participate in this orgy and has become victimized. Who knows, maybe there was a misunderstanding? Maybe those exotic ladies were just there because Windows 7 was their idea too...

That story (and by no means is this over, so you need to come back again) is here:

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2010/01/27/microsoft_offered_ladies/

This week's Do-It-Yourself Project: How to get Yahoo! to expense your lap dance!

Attend one of their "Hack Day" events.

Caveat: You might have to go their Taiwan offices though.

In 2009, Yahoo! brought in developers for a "Hack Day" event. They gave away lap dances for the developers that showed up, and what was cute about this was the fact that it was more of a "What stays in Taiwan happens in Taiwan till someone posts the pictures of lap dances online accidentally and everyone gets angry about it and we fake an apology" kind of an event....

That is right. The "developers" who showed up for this event got lap dances and everybody did a great job of hushing it up!

Yahoo! then started getting worried when folks called it "sexist". Wonder why no one called them "stupid".

You can read about all that here:

http://www.businessinsider.com/yahoo-hires-lap-dancers-for-hack-day-apologizes-2009-10

Note: While reporting and talking about people lamenting that "exotic" dancers were used at the Yahoo! event, all the "reporting" included suggestive pictures, generously gleaned from the ill-fated picturas!

The perfect foundation for a marriage: But honey, I was thinking of you all the time

Obviously, both Yahoo! and Microsoft think of women alike (never mind what they think of them). Their business plans to boost sales and attract developers also seem to be alike. Then why simply merge search? Why not go for the total marriage. Cheating, fidelity and ethical business will be no problem!

On other unholy unions

Well, when two people are unhappy with their marriages, they should separate instead of using the internet to cheat, right?

Well the man in a dress the Pope doesn't agree! He thinks his "people" (the ones on whose behalf the church has paid millions to "settle") should go out and save marriages at all cost.. that is right. Actually he wants these priests to stop annulments at all costs!

You can read about that here:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Pope+says+marriage+annulments+shouldn+easy/2499759/story.html

Wonder how he feels about annulling gay marriages?!

Hnmm, what else does the Pope want?...actually he wants all the priests to go out and blog. He does not want them present, he wants them to use digital communications effectively...

Alright, these are the wonder years, I will wonder once again before you wonder...how does he feel about maritalaffair.co.uk as a digital communication tool?

Okay, we have had enough of this fake Sue Johnson show for one evening!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?