Is it christmas yet?

Alright, gotta keep this one brief (you say, "you say?"). Thanks to my friend Anna for first telling me about this and then reminding me again today - how would you know if it is Christmas yet?

Well..there is really only one way! You should go to:

http://isitchristmas.com

Of course, don't look at it tomorrow and blame me for it..!

Merry Christmas! Or not?! Only "time" can tell?!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

The Geek/Nerd Date Advice Line: How about we sit back, relax and tune to our favorite...er, linux radio station!!!

That's right...Linux is on the radio. "Say what", you say? "Bazinga!", I say.

Well, dedicated to the fictitious, yet, affable Dr. Sheldon Cooper, this radio station has a voice that broadcasts the latest stable kernel of Linux, now at 3.6.1 using eSpeak (there's some geek-speak for you), an open source text-to-speech synthesizer.

Of course, I did copy a huge chunk of that aforementioned description from the website, linux.fm

And if you thought that was crazy, they have a sister-site, whitenoise.fm (anyone remember the movie?) that plays white noise, pink noise and brown noise.

Yeah, I am not going to go into all that. There are a lot of people pretending to be busy updating Wikipedia with the definitions of what each of them means. I am going to steer clear!

So, if you do find a rather stoic biologist for a date, maybe the two of you can play some of these interesting stations as you relax...

I know what you are thinking..gotta get the date first right?

References:

1. Linux Radio: http://www.linux.fm/

2. White Noise FM: http://www.whitenoise.fm/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Recent "book" theft report from Alabama raises several questions...

The internet is a strange place full of unverifiable rumors and urban legends, ranging from black, socialist, wealth-distributing Presidents to claims of libraries in Alabama!

Several readers have contacted this blogger about shocking rumors causing waves across the internet with claims of a library in existence somewhere in Alabama! The biggest event since the revelation of the "Big Foot" or the "Sasquatch" leaves several unanswered questions than answers:

1. That there is a library in Alabama, and the possibility that more than one exist..!

2. That these libraries do house a book or more than one...

3. That there is a book lover and more than one such book lover in Alabama...

Speculations

The unconfirmed rumors of book lovers and libraries have spread like wildfires across the interwebs (no, not really), with far reaching discussions on what this could mean for a state with bigoted justices of peace (yeah, don't remember that one do ya or y'all?)...

Reality, revisited

All jokes aside, why does a library wait till 200 books are stolen. I mean, at some point you need to start paying attention that books are being stolen right? I mean, in a year, how many books do you expect to be stolen? 10, maybe 20? Even 50 is acceptable?

If you let someone walk away with 222 books over 2 years, at a statistically incorrect average of 111 books a year...your library just, er, sucks!?!

So why bother holding the person on bond for $10,000? Since you are also claiming she was jobless (a detail they could have skipped - not sure what the harping is all about) able to walk past your "security" system as a book lover/thief...why not hire her?

She loves books - won't have a reason to steal, and will probably take good care of your books. But no, this is Alabama....sweet home, eh?

Reference:

1. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/02/ap/strange/main7111852.shtml?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesAreaMain;cbsnewsLeadStoriesHeadlines

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

If machines became self-aware...

Hollywood has made movies about this stuff. Schwarzenegger has done steroids over this stuff..but if machines did become self aware, do you think they will go all out to wreak vengeance on us...or maybe, they will simply, er, flip the bird?!?!!

Spokane, Washington has some evidence...a pedestrian crossing sign makes a definitive "sign" when asking you not to walk. Of course, city officials would like for you to think otherwise. Speculations range from,

a. A glitch (yeah, right you say?), or,

b. snow, that is wedged into the sign.

I am sure reasoning "b" would be acceptable...however, look at the image and/or the video and judge for yourself!



For more:

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/crossing-sign-gives-pedestrians-the-middle-finger-120210


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

A little something to offend everyone, except engineers, maybe...

I know, I haven't been blogging a lot here. I have been traveling a bit and since my cat Squeaky has entered my life, I have hardly had time to do anything - but, blog about the cat of course! You can follow Squeaky and his adventures here:

http://yamanoor.com/blog/

So, in the last 24 hours or so, I have seen some excellent cartoons! They seem to expound my life's philosophies on certain "lines" of work, and my own as well...

Let's start with Scott Adams!
[Click to enlarge in a new window]

Source: Obviously, dilbert.com

Commentary: Er, let's leave well be.

And then there is "xkcd" that had this:
[Click to enlarge in a new window]

Source:http://xkcd.com

Commentary:  This one could take a minute to get to you...

theoatmeal.com

And then "theoatmeal.com" had this offensive thing to say: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/customer_service

See, I didn't have to say much, and yet, I offended you, or made you laugh...

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Let's have some tea and truthiness to go with it...

So, tea is the new Kool-Aid. Jamestown is now upon us...okay, enough with the disaster scenarios. For someone who drank "ocho" and learned about the practice of Zen, I am tired of this nonsense with Glenn Beck. Even saying his name wants me to throw up. In any case, why sit and whine?

Do we need to counteract the silliness?

The tea baggers do present some cheap entertainment. However, would it make sense for us to keep it going? Probably. But how about we make it more fun and a bit serious at the same time?

Let's get Stephen Colbert, his Reporrr and truthiness involved!

This is exactly what one "mrsammercer" on "reddit" thought up and many of us agree.

Is God or Douglas Adams going to get involved?

Caution: The following section may involve sarcasm and require reading and information processing skills...

Here is what someone had to say?!

"We have our sign from God: Colbert Rally on 101010 == 42. No need to say more."

So, it looks like the big, funny day may be 10.10.10!

Need I say more? So, either the spirit of Douglas Adams or a carpenter's dad will definitely be involved...

Although, there's more "ideas" on reddit. Like this one:

"Idea: Get Tina Fey to do a speech at the rally..."

Here's to some entertainment...

So, if it's your "cuppa tea", help restore truthiness!

http://www.colbertrally.com/

http://www.reddit.com/r/colbertrally

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Microsoft's "titillating" s*xcapades..

It was really hard to come up with a title for the post. Not that the topic was a tough one, but that there are so many titles that there is no end...however, I chose "titillating" from the article referenced here. It seems quaintly appropriate.

And I know I am a little late on the post, but when it comes to s*x and Microsoft one is never...eh, let's move on.

Feigning Innocence!

Microsoft was organizing some sort of IT brouhaha in Australia. Now, I have not been there, and I would rather not...in case you don't know, they kill Indians and the police pretend it's not racism. Anyhoo..

They decided to "titillate" the IT folks attending the conference to some "meter maids". No, not to teach them the virtues of appropriate parking, the other kind. What other kind? Well, the "gentlemen's club" kind, the kind as Lisa Scottoline would put it, where no "gentlemen" would ever go!

Well, when you hear "meter maids" being used as a "titillation", what do you think?

Yeah, me too. Apparently though, Microsoft didn't expect the meter maids to show up, er, half naked...although if you did a photographic comparison of the surface area to clothed area, you would notice "half" doesn't cut, er, cover it.

So, anyone here buying Microsoft's feigned innocence?

You might, if this was the first time that Microsoft decided to get some extra "help" to encourage their Israeli resellers, if you may.

http://ysrihari.blogspot.com/2010/01/sex-scandal-computers-and-illicit.html

Wait there's more!

You didn't think I would leave you with a soporific post about Microsoft hiring hookers did you? I hope not. What would be the value if this blog chronicled things sans the irony they bring to the doorstep of our inner eyes? You are right I am stretching the point, just filling space to keep the suspense going and all that...

The conference included a section called "Women in IT". Well, if you stepped back and said, "So, what's the big deal?", there is definitely something wrong with you. Or, you may fit right in with Microsoft's marketing department. Who knows?

Much tweeting followed of course - that is right, hire a few meter maids, offend a few women and then hoist your women employees' to tweet down any sign of dissent or protest - a great strategy, any day!

The question I have is, if Microsoft had hired any available "Meter Men" would any of us be saying the same things about men being objectified? Or is that the wrong conclusion to draw?

In any case, the next time Microsoft holds a conference, I want in...wonder what they will do next!

It must be so much fun working at Microsoft. Oh why did I not focus on learning about pointers and work at Microsoft. Damn you all!

References:

1. http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/meter-maids-stunt-backfires-at-microsoft-geek-gathering-20100826-13t2f.html

2. http://www.metermaids.com/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Scr** "The HP Way", I say let's have Hurd run for Congress...the "New" Silicon Valley way...

Among the rather "blah" news we were delivered this week is the fact that Hurd used HP funds to er, pay for his "sexual harassment"!

Then the vultures descended. Apparently, people can't pay for their affairs with company money. And then there is this HP way people keep talking about. Ethics, shmethics...look, once you have fairly ruined a company in Silicon Valley....things start looking up!

Where should we start?

Well, look at Fiorina. She took HP's stock, well, er, let's not go there shall we? And for that singular achievement, she wants to replace Barbara Boxer...

And then, there is the MEG. eBay stocks floored and co-workers got shoved and then settlements took place, but hey, who better for the Governor of California.

So, it would be good for Michael Malone keep talking about the HP way, innovation and all that. Isn't the game - buy random companies, fire thousands of workers, shove a few workers, do other stuff to a few more and then run for office as ... ?

Come on!

Since some of our Silicon Valley "behemoths" (shall we just call them that?) have already taken up the severely selfless task of wanting to be Governor and Senator, I think we need to add a few, such as Hurd to the House, and simply ignore all these detractors who want innovation, care for employees and such...

I mean, did you release a device knowing it had reception issues? Well, first blame the carrier and then fire some random executive for your "antennagate". Unfortunately, we can't ask HIM to run for office, he is already God...

This, my dear friends, is the "New" Silicon Valley way! Come...!! Be one of our executives that shade outside the bounds of ethics and law and run for office!!!

Reference:

To see Michael Malone's anachronistic rant of the "old ways":

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN0822209420100808

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Prop 8, a great model to bankrupt the Mormon "all" churches...

Preface: The summer of blog, my effort to blog as I continue to stay busy continues, and this blog, posted with pleasure, is of course not nearly as funny and is more a real "weblog" or commentary. Unlike "internet thief" Julian Assange, I have my own opinions, the making of a real journalist, trained, paid or otherwise.

Prop 8 was overturned today, August 4th, 2010. It is not a victory, and a victory that should never have existed anyway. The Mormon church and it's faithfuls of other religions (you would be surprised how religious congregations come together when it is time to spread hatred) hoisted this on Californians (including tax payers like me) and had us spend money defending something that should have been a God an Evolution given right to our state anyway.

This got me thinking - they already wanted a stay, so they have the money to spend on it. And they want to take this to the "conservative" (apparently this is what we are calling it nowadays) Supreme Court.

So, why not give them a run for their money? How about we keep them engaged, constantly, legally?

Like go to Utah and try to pass legislation on gay marriage, for example. Or in any number of states. They will come for a fight, right?

How long can they go on promoting inequality? How long will people buy hatred as a church message? Why not test and find out?

After all, they have already experienced moral bankruptcy...

After all, their "refudiater"-in-chief's daughter couldn't even hold a sham engagement long enough...what do these people really know about marriage? Not a lot, you betcha!

Imaging if any of these geniuses spent money on cleaning pedophiles off their own churches. Oh well, we can't allow a good thing get in the way of targeting minorities, right?

Well, now that Prop 8 has been stemmed temporarily, don't think we are done. Next up, Prop 23....


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

How do bad email campaigns "effect" me? They "effect"ively make me mad..thank you IBM and V3

Alright, you get paid for writing stuff and stuffing people's emails.

You also get to call yourself editors and such other wonderful titles.

You haven't had any reason to prove Green's Theorem, or worry about Bessel's functions for a day in your life.

You have had to write crap about Keats and Wordsworth (and yes, I was and continue to be better at that as well).

You get paid more than people who routinely function better than you.

But you can't spell?

Alright, dramatic effects (or was it affects?) aside, here is what grinds my gears:

Do click on the magical wonder that the screen-shot is.

Here are a few thoughts to some of our friendly, neighborhood editors and marketing geniuses:

1. Go back to grammar school.

2. Alternately, simply go away!

3. Find a different job, one that doesn't involve spelling in the only language you know (this newsletter comes from two companies, one in the United Kingdom and one in the former colonies)

4. Use "spell checkers". Not, Chinese checkers - I am not saying Chinese people are bad at checking grammar (they are probably better than you, given, er...). I am referring to the game, "Chinese Checkers".

5. Show up to work a little less drunk...

Irony

The irony of this email campaign involves the following:

1. questioning how inaccurate information effects, er, affects, er, who knows,  me.

2. presenting me with a tool called "smartfacts" (the space in-between or the lack thereof could be an error, or not, or, again, who knows?).

It amazes me that some of us have to work so much harder than the others....or work at all!

Still confused?

Here is how affect and effect differ:

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/affect.html

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Pre-announcing Apple's New Product: iBlame!

I know some of you are out there, braving 100+ temperatures, taking precious vacation time off, even biting your dog's nails (because yours are already bitten and gone)....because God, er, Steve Jobs has called for a conference.

Actually, I am a bit surprised why it doesn't become a big deal when he runs out of toilet paper. iToilet paper? Toilet iPaper?

Anyway, I was roaming around the streets and one more of Apple's drunk engineers (coming soon: iAA or iApple for the vagabond inebriates) had a prototype of the latest product that will be announced at the "conference" tomorrow!

So, if you hear that the Silicon Valley cops (having solved all other crimes, they are ready to function as Jobs' private security using my tax money) arrest me by tomorrow for pre-releasing photos and descriptions of Apple's products, I hope you understand the sacrifice and pain I am going through for you..I am a blogger, not even a journalist...

So, what is the product going to be?

After throwing his jacket to the crowds and signing across the chests of raging fans, Steve Jobs will pull out of h... , the new product!

At this point, as usual, the birds will stop flying, the waves will stop churning, babies will stop crying and the moon will eclipse.

iBlame!, the product

Yes! Steve Jobs has had enough. How can anyone even possibly, remotely doubt that he is ready to be blamed? So, at the conference tomorrow (rather, later today) he is going to announce a product that will be compatible with all future Apple products but will not function with unapproved third party hardware, software, firmware, infirmware and such...

This product will have the following hitherto unknown functions that will fix all previously known issues:

In case of defect, damage, or even a complete lack of functionality on the part of any Apple product, the following will be the order in which Apple will place blame:

1. The hardware manufacturer (read Chinese teenagers) is to blame.

2. The third party service provider is to blame.

3. Mercury is retrograde

4. Saturn is shining his light up URa.....

5. It's bad juju, or Microsoft, hey, maybe it's Google, or those tribbles...!

6. It's Yamanoor Srihari's fault..

7. You, the customer (for further comprehension, consult Toyota, which likes to prove all it's customers are iDiots too).

Customer and Congressional Reaction

Even before iBlame is released, customer reaction has been anticipatorily rampant. For example, it appears that Democrat Senator Schumer has decided to apologize, er, grovel, no, "urge" Apple the following: "to come up with a "permanent fix" to the problem at no cost to customers."

I also heard that Grassley and Rep Barton were pissed at Schumer because Schumer beat him to the race. Grassley was still writing one of his usual, ineffective letters and Barton wants to be the first to apologize to companies when they get blamed for what they did.

In any case, it is anticipated that one of the responses will be "Congress can go legislate itself".

Analysts' projections for iBlame's success:

The same analysts that brought you the financial success that the last three years have been, believe that iBlame will have the following successes:

1. No matter what happens, Apple won't have to recall it's devices. They can write fake code to show fake bars, or even attach twigs to white bricks for antennas.

2. Steve Jobs will continue to be God. After all, he survived his own, personal, special, private "Stock Backdating" scam. People who survive that can really do whatever the heck they please.

3. People will still continue to call Apple, it's design and products "innovative". After all, if you don't bother to find out what you are talking about.. (wait, did I say that loud?, ah, the backspace key fell off, shoulda bought Apple you know!).

4. Given how business friendly the Obama Administration has become, what with Goldman Sachs being asked to throw chuckchump change (less than one day's gain in stock value) at the SEC, and Glaxo getting to keep it's useless, and in fact potentially harmful Avandia on the market thanks to the FDA, Apple can be sure that Jobs is safe, and the iPhone can get approved as a medical device or a perpetual motion machine. At this point, it is their choice to ask, or order anything...

More Customer Reaction

After I found out about the impending release of iBlame, I bid adieu to the intoxicated employee and decided to seek some more customer reaction.

Disclaimer: My interviews with Apple customers are as factual as the iPhone's signal bars...

Walking down the street, I talked to a few avid customers. Here are some reactions:

"I mean, it's like the iBlame sounds like a kewl idea. As long as he can blame someone else for the problem and send bloggers to prison, he can keep making stuff for me to throw more money at him right? Screw those orphans and dying dogs, I donated 10 cents through an SMS from my $200 phone I never needed. I am like, that's sooo 21st century!"

I pointed to another customer that the iPhone may have functionality issues. His response was, "Even if he sold crap in a white box, I would buy it". When I pointed out the irony in his statement, unaffected, he said, "Well, there you go".

So, do you think I will be able to tweet myself out of prison? Or hell?

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Toyota's customer service mantra: It's the customer that is stupid!

I have a favorite saying (I have many, but that's for another day): if there is an error, it must be the user...

It is one thing for people to call Toyota customers stupid, it is something really entertaining to watch Toyota do the same thing! And that, my dear friends is exactly what your not-so-friendly, the "cockroach of the freeways" (that's right, at the end of time, the Toyotas would still be running around - given the fact that they would have rammed the rest of us) now claims that you, the customer are to blame, not themselves...

After all, the Toyota was originally never designed to go anywhere close to the speed limit! So, when you depress the accelerator, the car turns into a Golden Retriever in a children's park!!

Now if you wanted appropriate acceleration, why would you buy a Toyota? That is why the company is calling you an idiot.

And then, there were those who bought the car after the news of the defects came out....

Well, what do you call the people who rush into buy a defective product just because it was offered on discount - yes, Virginia, there may very well be a Santa Claus (why not, Fox News has a viewership, yeah?), but sometimes Mom and Dad are just...

At the end of the day, if a Toyota gets behind you on the road...

References:

1. On Toyota strangling independent research into their safety:

Click Here

2. When Toyota called it's customers stupid:

Click Here


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.


Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Fiorina's Intellectually Charged Campaign Message: I am so pretty and Boxer's hair is SO yesterday....

For all of you left leaning, tree hugging bunch of neo-liberal fruitcakes out there who predicted that Fiorina is trying to do the senate and world what she did to HP's already diminshed stock price and self esteem, she has a fitting reply - her campaign message.

In true conservative fashion, she has announced her campaign - making fun of Barbara Boxer's hair! (Yes, that is right, this right leaning, conservative, yet progressive leader (failure) of the commercial world has some serious issues with Boxer and her hair style).

After all, this is California, where people dress up and braid each other's hair.

Moreover, Fiorina must represent the best in what is happening to women candidates everywhere!

I say we all vote Fiorina to the senate, so that women everywhere will take keeping up with "today's" fashions and braiding their hair more seriously.

That, will take us back to the conservative "roots" where women belong. Not these career-minded, hoity toity women that have no respect for the lord and his desire to impregnate them as many times as it is religiously feasible...

As to her criticism of Hannity, it may have also been his hair style. If Republican men and their impartial media outlets didn't comb their hair...

For reference and other fun:
javascript:void(0)
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/06/09/state/n201015D93.DTL

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Israel - Aggressively Stupid or Stupidly Aggressive?

Along with many others in the world, I had thought that Israel suffered the consequences of terrorism. Now, I wonder.

Are you kidding me?

You land on an aid ship from choppers and start a fight.

The people on the ship attack you with sticks and you respond with guns.

Israel - you have gone mad.

The consequences?

I expect the consequences to be as follows:

1. First Obama, then Hillary will condemn Israel.

2. Then, egged on by Congress and every single Congressional vote they cannot loose, the world's most powerful man will grovel in front of Israel. In case you have ALREADY forgotten, that's what happened last time when they threw eggs at Biden, er, announced a new settlement.

3. A bunch of "Friends of Israel" will publish a full page SOB story ad in the New York Times or Wall Street Journal. We will all be reminded of Hitler - never mind that attacking unarmed people on boats is not much different. (I know, no one reads papers anymore, but this too has happened viz-a-viz, the settlement brouhaha.)

4. In a few days, we will all be more concerned with the "next Idol" or "brainless Chefs cooking tasteless food" on Bravo, or "Ghost Hunters Academy".

Israel's next target - orphanages or seniors' homes?

Meanwhile, we will be biting our nails to see if Israel will bomb a "Home for the Aged" or an orphanage. Obviously, kids and seniors can be very dangerous to Israel's "sovereignty" (yes, that's what we are calling it now) when armed with sticks and stones.

Idiots...

Happy Birthday "gre-success"

Many of you who have known me for a while have seen me brag about my graduate admissions help group "gre-success". Started nine years ago, this group has come to be a great source of learning and joy for me. We have found several volunteers, some of whom have come and gone, and many who have stayed.

If you are looking at graduate studies, or know of someone, tell them of us. If you simply want to enter into spirited discussions on the English language and it's usage (since we discuss GRE, TOEFL, other standardized tests and the oddities associated with the language skills tested...), join us!

We have provided students with suggestions on the tests, the application processes, and the schools they apply to. Where necessary, we have warned students of pitfalls, and we are always looking to improve our services.

Visit

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gre-success/ and our adjoining, budding wiki site,

http://gre-success.pbworks.com/ and wish the group many great years of service ahead!

How many South Carolina folks does it take to catch an emu?

Now I am not Erle Stanley Gardner (and thus he slumbers peacefully in his grave). If I were, I would have quaintly called it "The Case of the Runaway Emu". Yet, I wonder how many people that title would attract.

If I was Wordsworth (a whole bunch of British people would be pissed that Indians are NOW stealing poetry!), title would read, "Posting garbage about emus on a sunny day in May"

Secretly though, I think the blog title should read: How to take a very simple story and make a blog post out if it. Anyway, enough of that...

On to the aviary. Apparently an emu decided that he/she should pull an "I, Robot" and hit the road. I am sorry, but we humans are not ready to give birds freedom.

What a chicken, I mean emu! If you really wanted to take off, you should have taken, er, flight..(just remembered they can't do that, failing biology doesn't really help, sigh!)

Now, if the emu had Indian parents...they would have said: "Fly damn it. Look at the pigeons. Even the crows do it. You run fast and flap. Flap! Oh, why is God doing this to me...!" I am telling you, even the dead emus would fly!

So how many people from South Carolina does it take?

To answer the 64 Euro (whose value has no bottom) question, it takes, er 50 people. You know, it doesn't help Southern Pride much, given this cornucopia of urban bird chasers included the police and animal control folks.

And to think, a humble net did the trick.

It's back to the drawing board for the gallivanting emu!

Reference:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/05/ap/strange/main6463133.shtml?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesAreaMain;cbsnewsLeadStoriesHeadlines


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Yahoo! means "loud mouth" - literally, company CEO proves

Yahoo! is one hell of a meandering giant that has no reason to exist and yet, it continues to do so. And when it comes to the choice of their CEOs, while you would say that logic dictates that they "never get it right", from an entertainment stand point of view, they make the best choices!

Apparently, the BBC has taken to interviewing completely ineffective CEOs from the technology world. You would think that these people would look themselves in the mirror hanging in the BBC restroom, and tell themselves, "It's only a few minutes, just keep it simple and don't do anything stupid. This way Steve Job's childish tantrums will be mostly what gets covered."

Hmm, well, I don't know if there are no mirrors in the restrooms at BBC or not, or what new plastics worth smoking have emerged, but Yahoo!'s CEO Bartz felt compelled to sit down and talk about, er, Google's problems. Yes, you heard me right - I ain't the one smokin' stuff baby. What with all the crazies around us, why bother..

Why not, right?

You may be surprised and ask why Yahoo!'s CEO would dare speak about Google. I defy you sir, indeed, I dare you - why not?

Look at it this way. If you have been the CEO of Autodesk and have done a cool job of running the organization to the ground, your next stop would be to exercise these muscles would be Yahoo!, right?

That must have been the logic, when Yahoo! chose to replace the wizard of Silicon Valley, Jerry Yang ("WHAT", you say, have you been reading the news, I ask) with Bartz.

Actually, when Yahoo! went begging for people to take the job, word on the street is - not even the marginally bad ones wanted it.

After Jerry Yang's success at keeping Microsoft at bay, at the cost of all those grannies' pensions, of course, Bartz can take Yahoo! DOWN a new path.

If there was any reason for her to hold back on the "advice giving brouhaha", the fact that she has become one of the highest paid CEOs (yes, that's right, pay for "performance" be damned to hell and back), she has no fear.

Apparently, Google is only famous for search. Now Google is just as evil as everyone out there and needs no defending. Plus, it makes truck loads of money advertising on all the free tools I use.

Yet, you've got to be so disconnected from reality to be talking about Google's "problems". First of all, they are all oh so phantom...secondly, lady, just do something, anything to shore up Yahoo!

All that increase in revenue? Yeah, that's from the fall in revenue.

When was the last time anyone used Yahoo! for search? Or Bing? 50% of the business my pink tushy! Apparently, search is 50% of Yahoo!'s business. And the other 50%?

I know Sarah Palin used Yahoo! Mail for official state business and got someone else convicted, but other than that....

The next step?

It is obvious isn't it? In California, we have a tradition. If you have managed to turn your company's stock price into pulp, then you have two directions to go down:

1. The U.S. Senate - just look at the aspirations of Carly Fiona!

2. California's Governorship - Ah, to imagine that Meg Whitman wishes to do to California what she did to eBay....and one sits here thinking how could thinks get worse in CA?

Why not, right? If Yahoo! can give you bags of money ($47 million to be precise) for a year's worth of predicting Google's problems, I really have nothing more to say. The jaws stopped drawing long ago...

One thing is certain. At a minimum, this has reminded us Yahoo! still exists...

References:

If you want to read about all this nonsense:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/195366/tech_irony_yahoo_ceo_says_google_needs_help.html?tk=nl_dnx_h_crawl

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/bartz_bags_payday_z8WWdvFOraMpnihHTeN68M

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Arizona to Earth: Sorry sir, please step aside, you don't look white er, right enough...

Alright! Let's all have some tea!!!

Arizona has now completely evolved. They love themselves so much, they are changing their state's motto to

Arizona: The Racist State

Can you blame them? Really? Here is why what Arizona has done is correct:

1. They don't like you. You are not white, I mean, right, I mean Republican, I mean you know what I mean...you just don't belong here. Get out.

2. It doesn't matter if the name Arizona itself is Spanish. If you can't spell "irony" how is it going to affect you?

3. Nothing good ever came of immigrants in this country. When was the last time you heard an immigrant doing anything good? I mean, look at me sitting on my brown a.. , telling you all this. Of course the people on the Mayflower weren't immigrants. They were "pioneers". Get it? No? What, are you retarded? I can say "retarded". I am not a Democrat, see...

4. Their police need something to do. I mean come on, they have solved all their other problems.....

Conclusion: I wonder if they will soon pass a law that says, "For w*****s only". We will all be able to drive to the borders of Arizona and reminisce those good old days of wonder and joy that brought the American dream to all our doorsteps. Of course, John McCain will endorse that too. He always knows to do the right thing...just look at Sarah Palin!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed. Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And in this week's "Where are the jobs", we introduce: Doga - how to torture your pet and get some exercise...

If you thought people who put shoes and sweaters on their dogs were being rude and incongruous with sanity, you have another thing coming...

We introduce Doga - apparently, Dog + Yoga.

I am not sure how to go from here without spitting euphemisms that allure at the misconstrued ancestry of the people who invented, er, "Doga".

So, what about people who own donkeys and want to do yoga?

Will you call that Ass-ga?

I think we should call it something else:

Devolution - Devilishly Idiotic Dog-Owner's Brain Dissolution.

I know doesn't rhyme well, and doesn't fit well - but hey, "Doga" is also pretty dumb. Actually, it is just dumb, not pretty at all.

Makes you wonder if the poor dogs are having to pay for the sins, er sob stories, erads "performed" by Sarah Mclaughlin on TV. I sometimes feel that dogs become depressed just thinking about her.

Well, the poor dogs on the Mclaughlin ads have it easy, compared to our "Doga" dogs.

The moral of the story is, if you dig enough gold and some poor bastard pays for your dog and the boutique bills, then you can lift the hapless four-legged creature off the ground and dance around like a maniac?

Jeez, get a life!

If you have no idea what the hell I am talking about:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/tlg/1671298318.html

So what do you think? Is this more insulting to dogs or yoga? Is there even a degree of comparison here?

I seriously hope to Dog, er God, this is just a bad April Fool's joke!


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

The patron saint of devils, or child molesters?

You know how it is, right?

You work hard for years, systematically covering up all the dirt under the carpet and calling all other religions weak.

Finally, they give you a high seat, a balcony with a view of blind followers and a white frock with a cap.

When the whole child molestation thing came back up, I didn't feel surprised or in the midst of new news. This of course was followed by confusion about some Cardinal Ratzinger.

I was like who is this Ratzinger? Well, the rat should have given it away. god's (grammatical error intended to avoid misplaced respect of the dis-respectable or the non-existent) messenger on Earth defends child molesters. Cute, the ways of god.

Turns out Ratzinger is our friend, Z Pope. What and who he "Benedicts" to, is probably going to shock you...

It reads like a bad imitation of a Sidney Sheldon. How did one man have so much power to cover so many crimes across several countries? And how the frick did he become the leader of what now appears to be an offensive and rather dangerous clan?

Makes the crazy bastards from the Texas clan (the one they recently disbanded by sending in the FBI) look less daunting.

Separation of the church from my ..., leave alone the Government please. How disgusting?

The massive "Catholic Church" scam

I think we should first investigate this guy and start asking him some serious questions. More importantly we need to develop a clear understanding as to why the law enforcement agencies have not started disbanding these churches.

It is impossible to believe that statutes and other drivel would have gotten in the way. I guess it is easier to harass seniors for computer glitches (this is what the real NYPD does in it's spare time, actually, during work time) and write speeding tickets to well meaning citizens.

And there are politicians worried that if they didn't support this guy, they wouldn't get communion from this guy and his band of "priests".

Not that any "religion" should, but could anyone else have gotten away with such sub-human behavior?

Who else thought they should throw up?

If you have no idea of what I am talking about read this and weep:

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/03/26/us/AP-Church-Abuse-Wisconsin.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Reuters Expose: Barack Obama is Israel's secret President (or the post known as how dumb is Reuters)

Emulating  Fox "News", I need to say: This is a rush transcript (by which they usually mean it is cooked up, unmitigated drivel).

Though I have been taking a break from blogging because I am working on a top secret project, I could not resist this one...

We have all been there. The spell-checker messes up, or we have just been too spaced out. But you have to be dumb to pay and get paid to write, edit, and publish stuff that is supposedly journalistic and other hogwash and mix up something this big.

We are talking about the world's most powerful man, his sidekick (who is usually the one mixing things up, notwithstanding Obama's seances and special Olympics), the world's most aggressive nation and the USA.

How can you mix things up so bad on the first line of the frigging article?

Maybe next time "Dan Williams" and "Jon Hemmings" should turn down the volume on the Oscars, take a sip less or so and read what they write and edit?

Here's to wishing for those "high" (no, not that high, Cheech, Chong, Kumar and Harold) journalistic standards that people lament will disappear if we don't pay for such drivel..

And what is with that random sprinkling of "Barack Obama" links around the article?

Now, maybe there really was a problem with Obama's oath taking, along with the whole birth certificate mystery and him dressing up as a clown and robbing banks while imposing socialism on all of us....phew, long sentence n'est pas? Not enough space on the inner palm to note down...

Also makes you wonder, if Biden is still the Vice President (Reuters, in this article of the legends, never reveals who the big boss is), who is the current President of the U.S.?

Is Obama moonlighting?

Or is Cheney our secret President! Oh wow! or was it Oh No?!!!

Link to this well crafted piece of "journalism":

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6271YE20100308

Conclusion:

Hey, I write crap too (mostly by plan), will Reuters pay me? I know Rupert will...just watch - shut up Srihari, don't fight the big media. They have lawyers that will come after money you don't have (and if the lawyers are as good as their journalists...). And, you are not cute like Colbert....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Dalai Lama to Pope - I see your facebook account and raise you a twitter....

Alright, Dalai Lama!

When the pope went on facebook and youtube you knew the "game was on".

He was calling on all the other religious leaders to "bring it" (like all the otherwise unemployable judges on MTV say).

Most religious leaders ducked ... but, the Dalai Lama was not going to back down.

After all, unlike the Pope who has his own country, palaces and the means to ban Bill Maher, Dalai Lama has to live in India, fear persecution and the Chinese Government...

Given that the "elite" Chinese students must be raring to hack into the Lama-dude's twitter account, you would think he would back down...not him!

Yours truly is following him, and recommends you do as well:

http://twitter.com/dalailama

When I added myself, there were about 93,804 followers (me being the 5 that ensued) of Lama-san. Now, pope-meister and Hu - how many people do you have following you?

Ze Pope had 98,356 fans as of 8:15pm, PST on 2/23/2010...and he has been a member since much longer than the L.

Must especially hurt the Frockmeister, since he wants his priests to go forth and molest, er, preach using social networks such as Facebook, buzz, eharmony and other social networks. If the Lama beats him, just after 2 days...what is Rome going to do?

How will they beat the pagan? What puffs of smoke will Rome send up the internet's, uh-hmm, tubes, to deal with this problem?

How long will it be before the Chinese schools hack this account - after all, harassing Tibetans is not just a way of life, but a security issue...!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Was Palin more hurt because she was referred to on Family Guy, or were we more hurt because we are hopey and changey

First off, someone paid her $100,000 to talk. People usually ask me to shut up. Did I go on Fox News and launch a tirade about the unfairness with which we are treated?

Maybe I should?

So, I watched the Family Guy episode, live, a rare occurence for me. Here were my reactions:

a. Oh my god, and then I realized I don't believe in jack-asses that don't exist and if they did, should be in prison (for among other things, having created me).

b. Oh well, it is Family Guy.

Now the funny thing is, it wasn't South Park that did it. And now, I think we should have a match off and have all the animatronic shows mention Palin as many times as possible.

After all, it will garner her all the publicity she needs, further burying our hopeys and changeys.

I have a feeling Palin's indignation had nothing to do with autistic people or other people with special abilities, because if she understood them, then she wouldn't treat Family Guy episodes the way she has done.

Moreover, by trying to openly hurt a vast majority of us, she doesn't have this self-perceived authority to defend autistic people:

Oh well, Ms. Palin, did you stop and think before you quipped, "How is the hopey, changey thing going?"

Well, here's to hoping ....

Palin's own 2012 hopeys

I understand that a half-black man with immense oratorical talents becoming the President before completing a single term as senator can give a lot of people hope.

Yes, to move forward and become something.

But see, he didn't chicken out, resign and run away after 18 months. He got promoted, so to speak.

Heck, the guy won't give up on his damned health care thing even now (please don't!).

Autism, disabilities, Sarcasm for dum...former Governors of Alaska and the Family Guy

Andrea Fay Friedman, an autistic actress played the role of the autistic cartoon character in the Family Guy episode.

While she said several wonderful things, including calling out Sarah Palin on treating her son as a "vote bank" loaf of bread, she made an unfortunate slip.

She tried to explain sarcasm to Sarah Palin.

Little did she know that Palin has her own "understanding" on sarcasm.

According to Sarah Palin, it is OKAY for Rush Limbaugh to call people with special abilities "f*ing retards" - yes, he actually f*ing did!

That, according to Palin is sarcasm.

However, it is not okay for Rahm Emanuel to do so...

(and Rahm, will you shut the f* up - hopefully talking to you in your own terms may, possibly help?)

Weird? You betcha!

I have another theory for why sarcasm may be out of the reach of Palin...her inner palm is too small for the explanation to be written out succinctly and r-word proofingly!

Here is Andrea Fay Friedman's wonderful statement:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/18/family-guy-actress-respon_n_468331.html

The State of the Union real hopey-changey thing

The real hopey-changey thing, some people tell me, is that some time, in the not so distant future, maybe, possibly, plausibly, the Republican Party can field a candidate with working brains!

And that hopey-changey thing, Ms. Palin, is not doing well....

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Liberty - the one everyone loved to date, parade and then dump...

Alternate Title: Who want's to play, "Let's trade a senator!"?

Note: This post brought to you by the 1st amendment rights, which when used against against Justice Clarence Thomas, makes him very angry...

Supremely Injudicial

Different countries in the world have different ways of establishing and running a "supreme" court. For example, in Pakistan, you can get arrested for being a supreme court judge and thrown out of power any time at anyone's whim.

On the other hand, as President in the US, you could use your ineptitude skills to mark the Supreme Court's direction for several decades by appointing judges, ranging from the genius to "I am 40 years old and barely getting through the federal judiciary system".

Thus, President Bush, left his mark on us by creating a lovely system with 5 judges on one side and 4 on another, hell bent on sticking to their stand, no matter what.

After having effectively dismantled election reform, Clarence Thomas and Anthony Kennedy have become regular politics, doing the press rounds, writing major opinions and answering questions asked by timid students carefully hand selected by faculty. What happened oh glorious justices? Too chicken hearted, eh?

According to Tom (Clarence Thomas if you want the unabridged version) here, even newspaper organizations are corporations who can now trade senators. Alright, it may be bad for "The New York Times" and "Washington Post" as corporations to talk about these Justices and how they have liberated corporations from being unable to buy and sell senators and congresspersons, but how about Joe the blogger?

Hey Thomas and Kennedy, this is how the rest of us feel what you did is going to do to us:

http://cartoonbox.slate.com/static/27.html

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Hopefully the cartoon does the same to you, since you are either too busy or too thick - how else can you be this disconnected from reality?

The picture is not for your assistant to print and give to you so that you can color inside the lines, by the way.

Liberty goes to town

Everyone loves liberty. She is pretty in pink, blue, and now red!

It is not just for ACLU and EFF anymore. Anyone can go on a date with Liberty!

You can scare anyone into submitting to any kind of nonsense you wish to pull, for example - you tell them that they will lose their liberties if the judges and politicians weren't allowed to pull the same liberties from under them to prevent the liberties from being lost...I know, but hey Clarence Thomas, our dear friend here started this, not me!

Yes, truth hurts, but that is the point of liberty - when you pull something DUMB, people get to tell you about it! I think even someone who failed in a law school in Iran or Cuba would get that....

Conclusion

In a way, it is a good thing - you don't want these guys operating your bridges or amusement park rides. At least, by putting senators on sale, these Justices and protectors of liberty are causing less damage than they would in a real job!

Maybe, that is how Supreme Court judges should be selected....

Meanwhile, I wonder what entrepreneur will build the first "Let's trade a senator" game show/social network/real-time-online-secure-confidential stock exchange?!

Reference:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100204/ap_on_re_us/us_supreme_court_thomas;_ylt=AiTZzJA3kn40OMxDJtOZVL6s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTNyZDgxMWY4BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwMjA0L3VzX3N1cHJlbWVfY291cnRfdGhvbWFzBGNjb2RlA21vc3Rwb3B1bGFyBGNwb3MDNQRwb3MDMgRwdANob21lX2Nva2UEc2VjA3luX2hlYWRsaW5lX2xpc3QEc2xrA3Rob21hc3NvbWVxdQ--

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Sex, Scandal, Computers and Illicit Matchmaking - Why Microsoft and Yahoo! are perfect for each other and other lores..

Ah! What a week.

We began with a Christian crusader on the interwebs who tried to take down a match-making website for "married folks" (so that they can date someone else, mind you). It turns out, he has accidentally turned into a crusader FOR the website, giving it good marketing and visibility!

Isn't that a holy mackerel for you!

The story is here (but there's more, so come on back now):

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/26/facebook_campaign/

Talk about your niche business! After all, the match-making beeswax is crowded and you have to "differentiate" right?

Now, now, if you found your significant other lurking there, don't go on killing this messenger.

Word of advice though: If they say, they were there to check if you were there, you might want to....

Well, what is this Microsoft thing?

You know with all the Google and Apple jazz, Microsoft obviously felt that it was facing stiff competition. Now, others may cringe, but they know what to do!

So, when the going got tough in Israel, they purportedly took their resellers on a cruise and offered them sex workers! Obviously, this is a loose interpretation of "let us make this happen, one way or the other". (The pope might want to take a leaf out of this book, but he comes a little later).

And thus, we have a "world's oldest profession" meets "technology" show!

Of course, EIN, the reseller in question claims that it refused to participate in this orgy and has become victimized. Who knows, maybe there was a misunderstanding? Maybe those exotic ladies were just there because Windows 7 was their idea too...

That story (and by no means is this over, so you need to come back again) is here:

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2010/01/27/microsoft_offered_ladies/

This week's Do-It-Yourself Project: How to get Yahoo! to expense your lap dance!

Attend one of their "Hack Day" events.

Caveat: You might have to go their Taiwan offices though.

In 2009, Yahoo! brought in developers for a "Hack Day" event. They gave away lap dances for the developers that showed up, and what was cute about this was the fact that it was more of a "What stays in Taiwan happens in Taiwan till someone posts the pictures of lap dances online accidentally and everyone gets angry about it and we fake an apology" kind of an event....

That is right. The "developers" who showed up for this event got lap dances and everybody did a great job of hushing it up!

Yahoo! then started getting worried when folks called it "sexist". Wonder why no one called them "stupid".

You can read about all that here:

http://www.businessinsider.com/yahoo-hires-lap-dancers-for-hack-day-apologizes-2009-10

Note: While reporting and talking about people lamenting that "exotic" dancers were used at the Yahoo! event, all the "reporting" included suggestive pictures, generously gleaned from the ill-fated picturas!

The perfect foundation for a marriage: But honey, I was thinking of you all the time

Obviously, both Yahoo! and Microsoft think of women alike (never mind what they think of them). Their business plans to boost sales and attract developers also seem to be alike. Then why simply merge search? Why not go for the total marriage. Cheating, fidelity and ethical business will be no problem!

On other unholy unions

Well, when two people are unhappy with their marriages, they should separate instead of using the internet to cheat, right?

Well the man in a dress the Pope doesn't agree! He thinks his "people" (the ones on whose behalf the church has paid millions to "settle") should go out and save marriages at all cost.. that is right. Actually he wants these priests to stop annulments at all costs!

You can read about that here:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Pope+says+marriage+annulments+shouldn+easy/2499759/story.html

Wonder how he feels about annulling gay marriages?!

Hnmm, what else does the Pope want?...actually he wants all the priests to go out and blog. He does not want them present, he wants them to use digital communications effectively...

Alright, these are the wonder years, I will wonder once again before you wonder...how does he feel about maritalaffair.co.uk as a digital communication tool?

Okay, we have had enough of this fake Sue Johnson show for one evening!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

iPoop: Apple forgot to check whether iPhad is a good name or if it can even own it in the first place

Apple is at the forefront of innovation. After all, they invented the tablet, even though it already existed for a few years.

It is speculated that soon they claim all words that have "i" in front of them and simply add "i" elsewhere. While there is great speculation whether the next word they will claim is "iDiot" or "innovation", other trouble seems to be brewing elsewhere.

It appears that a lot of women were not happy with the reference to "pad". Moreover there appears to be a long list of people who own the iPad trademark owners ranging from Fujitsu (if you wonder how Fujitsu is linked to pad, how about trying to see how a fruit company is linked to it as well) to obscure owners such as STMicro, apparently Europe's largest chip maker. A word of caution, these are not the kind of chips you eat, so it gets even more boring.

Of course, none of them worry that the "pad" in iPad is not being received well by women. They just want to duke it out.

Meanwhile, across the world, someone (not me, really, not me at all) was heard as saying, "Great, for $499, now you can watch p**n and the keyboard won't get in the way...

Somebody should look to see if iP**n is trademarked yet...then we'll know who's the original perv! Or, iPerv? Must stop writing...must stop!

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

An off-topic shameless plug for Skribit!

A while ago, I came across a nifty tool called "skribit". Of course, I think it is nifty and installed it on one of my blogs, hoping people would leave suggestions on what I should write about. While not much panned out then, I thought I will give it a second try.

And of course, there is some shamefulness to it, in that, if I am one of the first hundred people to talk about skribit, I might snag a pro account. Imagine being able to tell me what you want me to write on multiple blogs!

Regardless of the prize, I believe two things are true:

1. Skribit is a cool tool.

2. I want you to tell me what I should write using the tool!

On a more serious note, with everything turn into social media, we now need some motivation for blogs as well. All the supposed experts on blogging tell you that your audience should be motivated to comment on your blog. Most of my audience is composed of my friends and acquaintances and they like just getting in touch with me and telling me what they thought.

So, a tool like skribit might actually help me make the blog interactive with my audience. If you have a blog, you should try it too:

http://skribit.com/


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Massachusetts - The selfish state or Massachusetts - The New Florida?

Hey at least, the people in Florida can celebrate now, right?!

Their dubious distinction in history now has a chance of disappearing into oblivion while people wonder how a state with 3 times the number of Democrats than Republicans could not take care of one senate seat that they had held on for 36 odd years (especially when they had just passed the most important legislation of their lifetime with exactly 60 votes and NONE to spare).

If there ever was one party that was completely clueless from the top (yes, Mr. Dreamy Eyed, "I have no clue but I will promise anything to win" President, it includes you, especially you) to the bottom, what would it's name be?

As to the good folks in Massachusetts, what exactly are you thinking?

The Republicans who brought on the financial crisis will somehow improve things for your state? By being a minority party that simply votes no for everything?

Or, now that you have Universal Healthcare, you don't have to give, as they don't say, a frick about anyone else?

And thus, Massachusetts - you only have these choices for your new state motto:

a. Massachusetts - The selfish state
b. Massachusetts - We don't know where our Democrats went at the crucial moment, state.
c. Massachusetts - The new Florida, minus the sun and worse...


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And, in this week's "Help! My middle school vice principal is an all round paranoid idi..." section...

This happened, "this week in science".

In the Millennial Tech Magnet Middle School in the Chollas View high school in San Diego, California, a vice principal saw a 11 year old with a Gatorade bottle with wires sticking out of it, concluded that the kid was possibly a terrorist and called the fire department and police to investigate.

Given the school wants to call itself "the Millenial Tech Magnet", you would be shocked and possibly disturbed that the faculty and administration may not have the science knowledge or commonsense that a five year old kid would be expected to have...you would be right in being paranoid, or would you?!

Thank God, everyone is talking about how the kid will not be charged criminally and ignoring the possibility that the school may be laughed at, by even what some unkind folks might call "slow" people...

How many 11 year old home-made bomb builders do you know?

If you are a school teacher or a principal, er "vice" principal, given the probability that you get to meet more 11 year old kids than anyone else, how many home-made bomb building 11 year old kids do you know?

The answer, in all likelihood is zero.

Because in recent human history, minus time machines, parallel universes and child geniuses or aliens nudging kids to build bombs in their basement - the answer is zero, with proof!

Proof, Schmoof!, Right? Call the police and fire department. Are you amazed that they behaved in equanimity with the school?

All I can say is, you amaze easily.

If you are a school principal and see a kid with a box that has wires jumping out of it, maybe you should talk to the student first?

Or the student's teacher?

Or, know enough science to understandwhat a box with wires sticking out of it could do?

Or be a vice principal possibly connected to a shred of reality?

Oh, thank God, our taxes in California or our hard earned money (in case this ingenuity is being run privately and we are the parents funding this) pay for such storied institutions, where "Imagination is more important than Knowledge".

At least Einstein is probably spinning (and not just turning) rather faster in his grave...

Every authority involved in this joke incident is right. It is the kid and his/her parents that need "counseling".

Are you wondering who pays for that counseling? You poor thing...

Here is your "State of the State in Faculty Development and Behavior":

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/jan/15/students-evacuated-school-chollas-view/

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

And, in this week's "Oh so cute and chweet..": a jail bird, er, not exactly a bird...

She is one mean prisoner. She waited and waited till she got her chance. And when the first chance came along, Montenegro's one of a kind prisoner escaped...

Using a flood as a good excuse, she swam away, even as others remained in their, er, cages. What's worse, the prison guards are co-operating, feeding her. Word is out that the villagers are in on it too!

Here is the equivalent of an artist's sketch:

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/hippo-swims-artificial-lake-farm-Puerto-Triunfo-Colombia-December-21/photo//100113/ids_photos_ts/r3006578692.jpg//s:/nm/20100113/od_nm/us_hippopotamus

The original story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100113/od_nm/us_hippopotamus


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

What your operating system tells about you...

After years of research (and being ticked of by John Hodgman and Joe the plumberOS designers), I have come to the following statistically significant conclusions...

I am a PC = I am an idiot

I am a Mac = I am a rich idiot

I am a Linux/Android/Red Hat/White toilet paper/Bubbloontoo... = I am a snob who knows more unimportant things than you

I am a blogger = Well, you know...


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Breaking News - News is broken - Sarah Palin now on Fox News. Question is - does it matter....

Joining a long list of near-expletive luminaries such as Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, O "papa bear" Reilly and such, Sarah Palin will now get to make up stuff deliver us news from the much-storied Fox News!

Is this "breaking news"?

You betcha! If news wasn't broken before, it sure as hell is one cousin-loving, drug addicted piece of broken work from now on....



Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Australia - The world's worst nation...

Just today morning I had blogged about the incident were Nitin Garg, an Indian was murdered about a week ago and how the dumb police and politicians in Australia were engaged in a morbid cover up to save their education "industry".

I was randomly checking news right now and here we are again:

1. Man of Indian origin, 29 is set on fire.

2. The stupid Australian cops (quite a redundant phrase at this point) say, well, it is unusual but not racist, given that this is the 3rd Indian to be killed and/or burned in less than 10 days.

3. Julia Gillard, an acting Prime Minister among several other well versed Australian actors and pretenders has of course condemned the violence - and thus has achieved the pinnacle of what her heavily limited intelligence can cough up.

If you are an Indian, and you are in Australia, it is time to pack up and leave matey.

And if my Government is listening - how about recalling diplomats and canceling those cricket games. Oh, let's add some spice - we will not play cricket with any nation that plays with Australia.

Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?

Australians hurt by truthreferences to racism....

Australia is enraged.

Australia, is really, really enraged.

They are enraged about a KKK poser cartoon in an Indian newspaper I, as an Indian myself don't read.

They are enraged with the fact that simply burning a few of 'em Injuns is suddenly such a big deal.

So is a nice little KFC ad that is offensive to 'em African Americans.

Apparently, the truth or the insinuation of it is too much for them to handle.

Why not?

Australians are as much likely to burn down Indians as the Londoners or those New Yorkers are bound to..

Except, how many Indians have been burned in London since Yule turned it's tide? Or in the past decade.

Of course their argument is that the Indians don't get killed because of racism, it is simply that they are soft targets.

Well, then why worry if the soft targets associate you with KKK?

Their other argument (uh!) is that more Indians die in India than in Australia...ergo, either it doesn't matter, or Indians are more racist to Indians in India than Australians are to Indians in Australia.

Deal with it Australia - you have a race problem. And you are too Australian to even realize that, and definitely immature enough to be unable to deal with it...

Read the following, and weep:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8447465.stm


Claimer: Views presented in this article probably or definitely allude to people real, unreal, imaginary, virtual and otherwise. Any harm or libel cast on people dead, alive or transient is either intentional or otherwise. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author, however he refuses to take responsibility for said views and believes the use of "airquotes" to be a birthright. Claims not included in this claim are also claimed.

Copyright Information: Whereas the blog postings themselves are stolen by the author from the recesses of his deranged mind, he holds all the rights to everything on this blog. Yet, he secretly hopes you will copy his stuff to satisfy his ego. He may still sue you to prove to the world that he makes stuff worth pirating...seriously, still reading this?